31: Sparkwell, countrywoman

‘I’m home!’

‘How did it go?’

‘First thing she asked was where I’d eat if I were on my own, we went there. I can’t imagine she enjoyed it much, said she was feeling her age, wanted to stay in touch with the young.’

‘She’s a brick.’ I replied.

‘Anyway, I think the real purpose was to prepare me for seeing my first article in print, heavily edited.’

‘Inevitable I guess, at the beginning. Arrangements?’

‘She wants you at Checkley for as long possible, so your Uncle will stay at home, rather than hanging around with you at the Park. She has a point.’

‘Absolutely. We can only move so fast at the Park, completing stuff can happen only as revenues go up. Otherwise there will be a crisis with loan repayments. The place has to be self-sustaining even if that falls short of restoring its former glory. The bigger and better the Park gets, the more it costs to run. I think Uncle imagines I may be willing to hand over a sizable chunk of the Trust, well, not unless there’s a proven return.’

‘And, she wants me to have the pleasure of breaking bad news, her words not mine.’

‘Oh yes.’

‘She’s made her Will.’ There was the tremor of an approaching smirk on Charlie’s face.

‘And that’s bad?’

‘You might think so.’

‘Well, you have to remember I was dumped on her as a child, not her choice, she always had to find ways to out manoeuvre me…’

‘Well she has now, maybe. So take it like a man and remember it’s not my idea.’

‘So?’

‘It’s a two line Will, everything in her name, which she says as of now is “diddlysquat” because the magazine is a liability, goes to you, except the twelve per cent of the Park company…’

‘Oh no!’

‘Comes to me.’

‘Thank the good lord she’s only fifty-nine and in rude health, as they used to say.’

‘And that’s another thing, she said it is actually your fiftieth this year. You, kind of implied…'

‘Plus Tuffy, Barmy, Cat and others too numerous to mention.’

‘Whilst we’re about it, how old is your uncle?’

‘Er, he will be seventy-two in the autumn.’

‘So, you’ve all got years really.’

‘So one would imagine. No it’s lawyers, they make you hyper conscious of these things.’

‘Julia’s not sure if your Uncle has actually signed a Will yet, apparently he sees his lawyers on a regular basis regarding the estate, but there may only have been lots of discussion. Now then, in other news, sir. Mr Tufnell will be calling within the hour. Do I need to be briefed?’

‘I confess that I could, and will later, should you require it, but it’s better if I don’t bias your impressions beforehand.’

‘Why does that fill me with unease?’

‘Well that’s my point really, you may be getting to know more about me than you want to know.’

‘Tuffy, old man.’

‘Don’t you “Tuffy, old man” me.’

‘You look quite, well, ashen faced, that’s if you remember open fires?’

‘Of course I do, some of us are lobbying for one at the Park. Which I suppose means you, something else you’ve got your fingers into.’

‘Tell me all about it. What irks you?’

‘Who, you mean! Only that friend of yours, that Chateau-bottled shit Trumpton.’

‘Hardly a friend Tuffy, in fact more of an enemy really.’

‘It always amazed us how you could stick him. A cheat, a bully, and violent!’

‘I stuck him, so as to get you lot out of trouble on more than one occasion.’

‘Alright, I concede that.’

‘Just tell me.’

‘No, I’ll confide only in Charlotte, she’s the reason I’m here.’

‘The treatment room is prepared, sir. I’ve worked out a new programme…’

When Tuffy emerged an hour or so later, he certainly looked transformed. ‘You’ll stay for tea?’

‘Very well, I’m calmer now, we must stick together whatever life throws at us, Charlotte’s given me the strength to carry on, but what am I to do Tony?’

‘You forget, you haven’t told me the nature of the problem yet.’

‘Oh yes, of course. It’s Carrie, she’s gone back to that blond bovine.’

‘And the reason given?’

‘She just went all gored-helpless and said she supposed it must be the “aphrodisiac effect of power”, can you believe it?’

‘Tea, gentlemen?’

‘Bless you again, Charlotte.’

I must have had a quizzical look on my face, for then she came out with; ‘The sugar is there for Mr Tufnell only, sir - he needs the energy.’ And with that she retreated to the kitchen.

‘I’m glad she’s keeping a tight rein on you old man; you’ve had far too freer hand with the ladies over the years in my opinion.’

‘Yes, well, that’s as maybe. The thing about Carrie; she’s a good time girl, she likes men full stop. And good luck to her I say, I mean where would any of us be without…’

‘You mean only a girl like that, would go with a chap like me!’

‘On the contrary my dear fellow. What I was about to suggest was that you have been underestimating yourself. Now I know it’s a few years ago but think of all the girls you used to know, the ones who made it all the way to a Tea with your mother.’

‘I haven’t thought of them in years, how odd you should remember.’

‘Well not really. Haven’t you heard? Lady Victoria has just come out of a rather messy divorce.’

‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Well you should have Tuffy, at such times old friends are expected to rally round.’

‘Well I have to take my hat off to you.’

‘You don’t wear hats.’

‘I’ve got my baseball cap for when the roof’s down and I’m driving into the sun.’

‘And your point is?’

‘That conversation chimed perfectly with what Tuffy told me on my table. Were you listening at the door?’

‘No, unlike you I don’t have to listen at doors.’

‘Ah ha! Members of the jury, we have heard the clear admission, from the defendant himself, that he knew of the preceding events, and we maintain he was indeed the architect of the goings on that led to the downfall of the victim in this case…’

‘I say, that’s rather good.’

‘My father’s a barrister.’

‘Good lord!’

‘So, I saw you chatting to Trumpton at the wedding, he’s actually one of your lot too?’

‘Precisely.’

‘Do we fear him?’

‘No. We are both so compromised that the downfall of one is the downfall of the other. But officially we are arch enemies.’

‘Is he as good as you?’

‘No, but then he doesn’t have to be, he has the common touch.’

‘To hear Tuffy, you’d think he was a thug.’

‘That’s because Tuffy is soft as shit.’

‘Now that’s it, isn’t it! That’s the nub of it. The bit I don’t get. Have you been standing by a friend all your life because he needs protecting, or is he in fact always the fall guy?’

‘Well, unbelievable as it may seem, when it’s a tight knit group, they’re kind of one and the same thing.’

‘Go on.’

‘Tuffy gets caught in the crossfire all the time, because he just can’t see when to get out of the way.’

‘So, Carrie?’

‘Buffy wants Carrie back, I fix it. I remind her she’s wanted, that there’s a job to do worthy of her skills. Then I set about putting Tuffy back together and sending him on his way to an even brighter future? Everyone’s a winner.’

‘Not sure how I feel about all this, being drawn in.’

‘Do you feel you’ve done anything unethical or that you’re ashamed of in the last year?’

‘Certainly not.’

‘Well there you are then.’