I date the end of the pandemic from that morning. Looking up from my screen, I spied Sparkwell through the media room window leading her ladies in outdoor yoga practice on the common lawn affronting the avenue.
Later she appeared before me, slightly perspiring and with a glint in her eye. ‘Namaste’ I said, bringing my hands together towards my chest and giving a slight nod of the head.
‘Fuck, and off, sir. I, have just made, a major breakthrough.’
‘Your first group teaching session turned out a success; I knew it would be.’
‘Not only that. I have set in motion a train of events which I feel confident will lead to the resolution of the two-car problem.’
‘Good lord!’
‘One of my students is the lady at number seven. She may be willing to swap garages.’
‘But that won’t help, we need two!’
‘No, we don’t.’
‘How come?’
‘What you have failed to take account of Holmes, is that the mews is a series of ad hoc conversions, built on a curve, some garages are considerably longer than others.’
‘Ah-ha! Well spotted Watson.’
‘My quarry, and her husband, recently exchanged their grand saloon for a family hatchback, no larger than our two-seater, she is convinced their unit would take two, end to end. I have a viewing tomorrow.’
‘Charlie, you’re a wonder. Take the rest of the day-off.’
‘Ha! The ultimate empty gesture.’
‘Well, go read The Beacon then.’
‘I might just.’
At about eleven o’clock I drifted downstairs to the kitchen in search of coffee and my daily shot of caffeine. ‘What’s going on?’ Exclaimed Charlie.
‘How do you mean?’
‘You always know. You knew there was new, News.’
‘Well, er...’
‘I mean their whole tone has changed. Are they gunning for Buffy now?’
‘Perhaps getting ready to ditch him, if they really have to.’
‘And the whole thing is full of adverts for the Don’s new podcast come radio show come tv chat show thingy.’
‘Yes, I fail to see the visual appeal myself, the close-up camera merely exaggerates his existing camp tendencies.’
‘Women readers like him.’
‘Yes, I suppose so, the anti-authoritarian Aussie with a glint in the eye. Perhaps one day he’ll want you as a guest, you could broadcast live from the treatment room.’
‘Is Buffy really in deep doo-doo then?’
‘Well, timing is everything. As fear ends, so anger rises. You know, it’s when conditions start to improve, that revolutions traditionally happen. And perhaps the opposition think they have a limited window of opportunity.’
‘How come?’
‘Well, there are also lots of post-pandemic recovery goodies that may be just over the horizon. Coffee is ready then?’
‘Help yourself.’ And after a two mouthful pause, she asserted; ‘Well since I have the rest of the day-off, you can buy me a proper lunch at the Park, I’ll bring the car round.’
‘So, if this is to count as our hot meal of the day, I imagine you have cold snacks available for a supper at home this evening?’ I speculated aloud as we sat opposite each other in the club dining area awaiting our grub.
‘No. You gave me the day-off before I had a chance to go shopping, I’ve asked Steppings, to ask the kitchen, to knock-up a couple of packed lunches that can serve as supper.’
‘Also charged to my account no doubt?’
‘Naturally. We also need to be home by four, if Kenneth is going to get a decent tea break.’
‘Understood.’ Then my mobile pinged. ‘Someone else wanting a piece of me. Ah-ha, our man Jack is proposing to take an Awayday tomorrow to Birmingham to look at the remains of minibuses, wants permission to do deals and pay deposits if everything looks good.’
‘How much?’
‘Not how much, but what? I’ve offered him an architect’s drawing of a viable filling station electric forecourt extension.’
‘How innocent of me, to think that any cash might be changing hands.’ A sudden look of apprehension came over her face as she spoke, I concluded I must prepare for an assault from the rear.
‘We want a word with you two!’ So said the unmistakable Prudence.
‘Better draw up a couple of chairs then.’ She looked angry; Rory merely glum.
‘Everything is going wrong and it’s all your fault.’ So said our MP’s wife.
‘How so?’
‘The party is in chaos; in case you hadn’t noticed. Rory must decide which way to jump.’
‘But you’re a Buffy loyalist!’ I said, turning towards the aforementioned.
‘The PM may have broken all sorts of rules. My committee is uncovering all kinds of shenanigans.’
‘So?’
‘I don’t want to lose my bloody seat do I!’
‘You may have to.’
‘Why?’
‘You two really haven’t thought this through. You have no choice but to stick to Buffy like a limpet.’
‘Explain.’ Said Prudence.
‘Buffy will most likely get his mojo back and carry on to even greater victories, however, if by some quirk of fate, he fails, have you given thought to what he’ll do next?’
‘How is that relevant?’
‘Oh, dear. If Buffy fails, no matter how great his successor, you lose old boy. Look, let me spell it out, Buffy has no money of his own, his finances have always been chaotic, if he resigns, he’ll likely be holing-up at Carrie’s cottage and hanging around here all day. And everyone will know he lives in the very constituency which hosted his greatest triumph, or failure - depending on your point of view...’
‘Oh, my god. We’re stuck with him for ever!’ Cried Prudence.
As we drove back to the house Charlie said; ‘You can’t really know if any of your imaginings about the future will come true.’
‘No, but it’s better that Prue and Rory at least start thinking ahead, no good just hoping things will carry on as they were before.’
‘Besides, I bet you could remove Buffy from future involvement at the Park if you really wanted to.’
‘So, guess why I choose not to?’
‘There’s money to be made.’
‘Got it in one.’
Kenneth looked a trifle damp and care worn as we came through the back gate. He was leaning on a spade at the same time as extracting a bamboo cane from one of the cold frames, which turned out to be about three feet long. He grasped the bottom of it with the palm of his free hand. ‘Tea in five minutes, Ken!’ So said Charlie in a cheery voice.
‘Ah, you are kindness itself, my dear.’
Ten minutes later and we were all beginning to warm through.
‘Does the garden have any kind of gradient Kenneth?’
‘I think it must do, very slightly sloping away towards the back wall, the ground is damper there at depth, despite getting more sunlight. All the more reason to make all veg planting on raised beds.’
‘And the temperature below ground in the cold frames?’
‘All is as it should be in the garden.’ He replied looking vaguely into space. The three of us just sat there awhile in silence, me wondering what might be inside the two paper bags with handles that Charlie had casually placed on the kitchen table aside the tea pot. ‘It’s not the planet that’s in crisis, but the human race.’
‘Well,’ I said, raising my mug, ‘we can all drink to that, cheers!’
