141: Christmas curfuffle

‘She’s left me!’

‘Who?’

‘My wife of course.’

‘Prudence?’

‘Who else?!’

‘It, er, just seems so unlikely, she’s not been in touch with me.’

‘Why would she?’

‘Well... What have you done Rory?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You must have done something, or not done something.’

‘All I did was show her the first few pages of my novel.’

‘Novel! I didn’t even know you could write; I thought Prue did all that for you.’

‘It was putting pen to paper that caused her to leg it to her sister’s, now I’ve got writer’s block.’

‘What’s the book about?’

‘A political thriller of course. Murder, mayhem and sexual intrigue at the heart of Westminster. A dastardly villain, foiled by the hero and his girl assistant.’

‘Oh, yes.’

‘Certain to be a best seller, what with all my inside knowledge and that. That’ll show her.’

‘What exactly did Prue disapprove of?’

‘She said, she accused me of sexing-up a tired old narrative copied from real life.’

‘Thought the villain was based on someone did she?’

‘Yes. A Machiavellian master of spin, who’ll stop at nothing to get to be Prime Minister. Behind the soft eyes, the soft soap and the touchy-feely approach lay a mind obsessed with power.’

‘I see. Of course, something not so different was done on tv about thirty-five years ago if I recall. Though then the PM was very much played as a Shakespearian villain.’

‘Yes, well I was still at school then.’

A moment later we were interrupted by Walpole; ‘Anthony, a word in your shell-like, sorry to intrude.’

‘My dear fellow, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

‘I have; I’ve been haunted for three days now.’

‘Good lord.’

‘Tell me I’m hallucinating, they’re not living here, are they? I saw him, and what was presumably his wife, coming out of our supermarket! Helene didn’t notice thank God, otherwise she’d have insisted we be sociable. It was then I thought I must be seeing things.’

‘Henry! You were carrying the state-of-the-art mobile device given you by the railway?’

‘Of course.’

‘Then why, oh why didn’t you immediately text Charlie? Why worry for three whole days until you bumped into me? I mean, the one person in the world likely to be most sympathetic, the one person even more sensitive to the whereabouts of her father than you!’

‘I didn’t want to worry her.’

‘Sparkwell KC and the mother-in-law by proxy, have been coming and going since the summer, he’s retired. They have finally settled on a property in a rather obscure corner of the county, with the aid of friend of the Trust, Thayer.’

‘So, you have the situation entirely under control?’

‘You think I’d, let the side down?’

At which point up wandered Junior Jack. ‘Grand palace you've got here Tony, Charlie about?’

‘Of course, probably rounding up committee members to serve lunch to the staff. Christmas tradition. Talking of which, Christmas Eve is members only. Who let you in?’

‘I am a member. Hah, that’s floored you. Can’t work out how I’d get in on merit rather than have you pulling the strings.’

‘I’m quite respectful of your merits John, taking over from your father as chair of the hotel company and the numerous other leisure interests, director of the railway; but here, here you need influence, two members at least who think you’d fit in, no longer one of them, but one of us.’

‘All right, that’s enough thinking time, who proposed me and who seconded?’

‘And names that would resonate with the current committee, well Charlie would fit the bill as one, the other...’

‘You can’t think can you, I always knew the day would come when I out-smarted you, beat you on your own ground. Think about it, you can let me know any time, no cheating mind.’ Then he walking away, leaving me in peace, I hoped, before lunch kicked-off.

‘Tony!’

‘Ah! The real Jack.’

‘What mate?’

‘As opposed to John who only has the nickname Junior Jack, sorry I’m being bombarded with new news today. How’s tricks?’

‘Electric buses by Christmas they said, ha!’

‘But the buses have arrived, some are on the road already being tested. I saw it on the news.’

‘Must be true then!’

‘The bus company depot is just down the road from you. They’ve put them all in the timetable on their premier routes, allowing cascading on other routes.’

‘And just a few boneshakers to be retained for filling-in, in the unlikely event.’

‘But somewhere along the line someone has cocked-up otherwise you wouldn’t look so gleeful.’

‘Just because a recharger has the capability to rapidly recharge, doesn’t mean it always does.’

‘Oh dear, and if they’re downstream of you, so to speak, and you have increased demand.’

‘It’s really about switching, phasing and timing, or something like that, so they tell me, rather than actual demand, but yes, they can’t recharge fast enough for the number of units they need to push through to meet the timetable. Very embarrassing. If you use the route passing the depot and have just got use to the clean, quiet and sweet smelling, then along comes a broken down...’

‘I see.’

‘...and that’s not the worst of it, you have the new battery trains in view on your journey more often than you might think, and have to pass the rich bastards coming out of our place, not to mention public service vehicles charging away.’

‘Lightens the heart.’

‘I’ve something else that’ll amuse you even more. Wainwright’s retiring.’

‘Retiring! She’s younger than I am, I still think of her as a hot babe.’

‘I’ll tell Charlie.’

‘Sparkwell is in a league of her own I’ll have you know, uncategor-risable.’

‘That’s not a word.’

‘It is, has been for thirty years. Anyway, they’ve not kicked her out, have they?’

‘Thirty-five years of service, full pension. Looking to consult, on the side.’

‘Then you should bury the hatchet, put her on a retainer.’

‘Not a chance. It wouldn’t be gamekeeper turned poacher, she’d be reporting back to the new lord of the manor within days.’

‘Met Mel’s Dad yet?’

‘Sure. Nice bloke, checking us out for his daughter’s sake, but respectful with it. I like that. I assumed he was a mate of yours.’

‘We were at school together.’

‘Course’ you were.’

‘Excuse me Jack, I have to find Charlie before the bun fight begins!’

I had to wander for a bit, but then turning into the corridor, I saw them. All three of them. Standing, but in a huddle nonetheless. Benson, Layton and Sparkwell. Archie seemed to be doing most of the talking, putting them straight about something. Charlie, nodding, listening, could she truly be trusted? Surely, she must be potentially, my greatest blind spot. I decided I had time to stand and stare. Let them notice me. When they did, she came over and said, conspiratorially; ‘It’s the drive-by solicitors.’

‘What?’

‘Out on the white-collar industrial estate, at the end of the motorway. And the others of course, financial consultants, administrative types. They’re the ones leading the pack over sports ground advertising. Only the middle classes can afford tickets these days, and new grounds are all out of town.’

‘Then why the hell are Bernard and Brinkley aping them, their strategy is meant to be niche marketing?’

‘Well, that’s Barney’s point. And Archie thinks we should stay traditional because AI will make, those on the make, redundant soon enough.’

I tried not to smile my satisfaction, since we were clearly being observed; ‘Why are they here today?’

‘Archie’s the guest speaker.’

‘Oh! Excellent, a man of discernment. So, changing the subject entirely, you’ve been asserting your influence I hear, and now it seems there are two people you’ve slipped passed the membership committee whilst no one was looking?’

‘Well, Barney was proposed by Archie, I just seconded him.’

‘And Junior Jack?’

‘I helped him with the form, then proposed him. Like you did for me.’

‘Who seconded him?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘We’re meant to be full-up!’

‘But what’s the point of influence if you don’t use it?’

‘Where the hell is Mackintosh when one needs him?’

‘He’s got his own manor to run.’

123: Pre-election predilections

‘Cheeky cow!’

‘Who?’ Asked Charlie.

‘Brenda Radnor, a text; “Buy me lunch at your club.” That, must not be allowed to happen. It would blow my cover.’

‘How so?’

‘Seeing me in my natural milieu. Especially if she got talking to other members.’

‘What on earth have you been telling her about yourself?’

‘Well, no lies or deceptions as such. I’ve just spun things to imply that my role with the Trust, and its various interests, is very much, hands-off.’

‘Ha! You know Fiona likes to keep her finger on the pulse?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, every day she takes it upon herself to peruse the list of all those who have been through the spa and hence out on the golf course too, members and guests.’

‘Oh, lord!’

‘The other day she said your Brenda had played a round.’

‘You might have thought to mention it!’

‘I am.’

‘We must have lunch somewhere else, somewhere neutral.’

Charlie had given me explicit instructions on how to get there. And although I’d left in plenty of time, I barely had a moment to compose myself before Brenda appeared. ‘Your text was very curt.’ She said, somewhat abruptly.

‘When you do finally appear at the club it will be in triumph, as our elected member of parliament. Then you will be doing so as part of your legitimate business, and no one, particularly your own side will be able to object.’

‘I suppose you have a point.’

‘I didn’t know you were a golfer.’

‘How do you know about that?’

‘I may be only one, largely disinterested trustee, but I do have a network to inform me of relevant facts.’

‘So, tell me about my opponent.’ I then proceeded with a thumb nail sketch, from school through to marriage to the formidable Prudence.

‘But I know most of that! I’ve read all the background material, I got your titbits from The Beacon would you believe, makes one wonder where they got them from?’

‘I hold up my hands, their executive editor is a member of the club.’

‘That explains a lot.’

‘However, everything I’ve just said is by why of context for the strategy I’m going to recommend. A way of not slipping on several banana skins.’

‘Go on.’

‘Do not confront him directly in debate, you’ll humiliate him in moments, remember you need the votes of people who previously supported him, you don’t want them to feel complete idiots. All you need to do is look good in comparison, that is competent to look after the interests of local people. At the last two elections Rory’s opposition wasn’t exactly, outstanding. Right? And of course, it is only a little over six years since the party’s last MP was forced to resign in disgrace. The election will be yours by being just a bit positive and upbeat about what you can do to help the local area recover.’

‘You know you’re very good at this, ever thought of going into politics?’

‘Well, they did ask me, but I always wanted to stay where the real power and money lay!’

‘Mmm. You’ll be please to know that the owners of the station properties in our village have been made aware that the heritage railway is seen in a positive light by most other residents. And also, that there are other properties in the village that they could well afford if they chose to accept the railway’s offer.’

‘Well, that is good news.’

‘I, er, must confess that whilst reading about Flotterton I found myself looking up other references to our area in The Beacon over the last five years or so.’

‘They’re always entertaining, though prone to some exaggeration.’

‘You seem very good at keeping your own name out of the paper.’

‘That, should be a source of great reassurance to you.’

‘You sent for me, my noble lord.’ I said to the back of Frimley’s head as he was sitting at the club bar.

‘I did indeed, you owe me a drink.’ replied the Lord Coates.

‘And I’m more than happy to oblige.’

‘I thought I ought to save my couple of nuggets of news until we could meet face to face.’

‘Much the safest way.’

‘The SI granted some while ago was placed on the table of the House in a quiet moment. It was picked-up, read and, not to be too euphemistic about it, promptly put down again. I thought the only important person who needed to consider it, was the local MP for the area effected.’

‘I imagine you arranged for him to be casually loitering at the time.’

‘I was told years ago by someone, probably by you, that he was fine being let out on his own, if he could be pointed in the right direction.’

‘Perhaps you went so far as to suggest that if he left it well alone, there might be votes in it.’

‘You might very well think that Anthony, I couldn’t possibly comment.’

‘Well, it may give him hope, buck the fellow up a bit.’

‘You still believe him a lost cause?’

‘Even with the most modest of national swings.’

‘Now, the other matter concerns the Palace, I must choose my words even more carefully. To paraphrase; “One would be more than content to hammer in the golden spike”, I think my reply was something like, he must be thinking of American railroads, not our style.’

‘Watched too many old movies about conquering the wild west in his youth no doubt.’

‘No doubt. However, it was also mentioned that he had to visit the naval college in the near future. I suggested he take the royal train to just across the river, then the college’s launch could pick him up on the railway quay, possibly after he’d admired progress on the line so far.’

‘Well, that’s excellent, let us raise another glass to His Majesty.’

‘I came down on the train this time. I must say it was a pleasant surprise to see no blue containers obscuring one’s first view of the Bay.’

That evening, I put in a call from the media room to Junior Jack. ‘John, Tony. You can put the word out; we’re all systems go! All legal hurdles are passed. We can proceed with any aspect of phase one, apart from the bits we require others to do that is. In fact, I see no reason not to do everything through company channels now, no need for any us to go skulking about anymore.’

‘I've heard from our estate agents.’

‘Oh, yes.’

‘Matey at the station in the picturesque village had been nervously making enquiries, wanting to know if our original offer was still good. I said it was, through gritted teeth. He accepted a couple of days later.’

‘You’re a top man, John.’

‘So, you and the old timers have got your own way, just in time I’d say.’

‘All the politics of it you mean?’

‘I mean Dad, he doesn’t have long, if I’m any judge.’

‘I’m sorry John, I know he never really had time for me, but it was you and Jimmy he was looking out for.’

‘He had a funny way of showing it.’

‘There won’t be problems with his estate?’

‘Nah, Jimmy and I will work it out. See you at the next board meeting if not before, give my regards to “er indoors” won't you?’

‘Of course. So long for now.’

113: Conclave

‘Shrublands!’ Exclaimed Sparkwell.

‘Correct.’

‘You do mean the care home that masquerades as a health farm?’

‘You’ve been there I take it?’

‘Very occasionally. Why choose such a place for your secret conclave?’

‘Well, we can use the community room for free.’

‘You know what I mean!’

‘Jack is confined there.’

‘Permanently?’

‘Who knows. Anyway, according to Junior Jack the only practical solution is for us all to trail out there.’

‘And why am I required to attend, sir?’

‘Security detail. You’re the only person who can disarm Junior Jack with just a wink.’

‘Why would I need to?’

‘Jack, despite his infirmity, still keeps an iron grip over the family firm, much to the annoyance of Junior Jack and young Jimmy.’

‘The sons you were at school with?’

‘Before I escaped the blackboard jungle at the insistence of the Aunts, and the assistance of the old family trust. But the point is the boys have remained rough around the edges and tempted to take the law into their own hands, because Jack failed to delegate and let them learn the ropes, educate themselves.’

‘Actually, for once that makes sense, remembering what Junior Jack was like when he was a bouncer.’

‘And given we’ll be in a care home, surrounded by the fragile boned.’

‘Okay, you win.’

In the end, all us visitors were sat around the community dining table as if awaiting the arrival of a King. One end of the table had been left free in expectation of a wheelchair, but it had the effect on all of us, of feeling we were being kept waiting by a status conscious boss. Charlie, having facilitated chairs and fruit juice, hovered somewhere beyond the open double doors. When Jack finally arrived, pushed by Junior Jack, he gave a faintly royal wave. When settled, he grunted somewhat curtly; ‘Well Gerry?’

‘Er, thank you Jack. Well, this is just an informal meeting, make sure we’re all up to speed. The formal proposals have all gone in, not sure how long we’ll need to wait for a response, Anthony?’

‘According to my source we should expect a formal letter of rejection within a couple of weeks.’

‘What?

‘Rejection!’

‘That’s the way it works, apparently. The rejection letter which we receive will have a set of recommendations as to how we should have framed our proposals had we known what we were doing. We take a rap on the knuckles, then follow the recommendations to the letter, whatever they are. But, if I’ve read our source right, then their proposals will be everything we really want.’

‘What a performance!’

‘The bureaucracy has to justify its existence, if they just accepted everything, they’d never get a budget, or two floors of prime central London real estate.’

‘Bastards.’

‘How, er, well placed is your source, Anthony?’ Asked Brian.

‘A senior ex-civil servant, in the ORR. There’s really nothing underhand about it, procedures are ultimately public documents. Public servants are there to give the public, advice. If one has the wit to know who to ask, that is.’

‘But we all signed off on the original proposal!’

‘Ah! I see your concern. The changes will all be procedural, about timing, fitting in with all else that’s going on locally. The main difference will be splitting the timing into three phases, one contingent upon completion of the previous, which suits us obviously, since the whole thing will take years anyway. All the legal hurdles, adjustments if you like, are already in the bag. There’s just one, minor contingency we need to prep for.’

‘Oh, yes?’

‘All this is being done without the need for a new act of parliament, however, parliament does get to scrutinise, if it be so minded.’

‘But we’re running out of time!’

‘Oh, I rather hope it will go all the way to the wire! A slightly rushed approval probably suits us.’

‘You’ve got some bottle, Arlington! One day you’ll come a cropper.’

‘I think he’s right Dad.’

‘Oh, you do, do you?’

‘You never get beyond the fancy talk, Dad, that family trust of his is three times richer than it was in his father’s day, from everything I hear.’ At which point Junior Jack favoured me with one of his evil grins, pure schoolyard.

‘Well, the more progress we can make this year the better.’ Said Brian. ‘It is after all the fiftieth anniversary of us taking over our part of the existing railway, and this year is also the centenary of the GWR Castle Class locos.’

‘Yes, thank you Brian.’ Said our nominal chairman. ‘Well Anthony, I’m told you were tasked to come up with something to waylay any potential hold-out?’

‘Ah! Now then, gentlemen, we may just have had our first genuinely lucky break!’

‘Oh, yes?’

‘Brenda Radnor, that stalwart trade unionist of the old Left, has just been adopted as parliamentary candidate at the next election. In all likelihood a much-respected resident of that picturesque village that we all love and hate, will now be our next member of parliament.’

‘How the hell does that help us?’

‘She, will bask in the glory of bringing much needed employment to our neck of woods, and we, the true origin of those jobs, will keep quiet about it, when in the fullness of time the line to Morestead is unimpeded.’

‘Don’t ask, Jack.’ Said Gerald.

‘At least we’ll be shot of that dithering toff Flotterton!’

‘Dumping on old school “chums” now is it, Tony? Can’t wait to tell Jimmy!’ Followed by an even more intense evil grin.

‘Is there anything else you have for us Anthony? Before we move on.’ Asked Gerald.

‘Um, well, I have high hopes we can get the station that never had tracks nor trains, back.’

‘How? We’ve never managed it.’ Said Brain.

‘I’ve brought in a ringer, as our American cousins might say. A specialist in polite tea shops. An expert in picking up gossip amongst the more mature clientele, a veritable Miss Marple.’

At which moment Charlie clanged the unfamiliar swing door to the kitchen as she carried a fresh jug of juice; ‘Anyone for more?’

‘You can fill me up, darling!’ Said Junior Jack, turning on the charm.

‘I’m exhausted, having to survive only on juice, that is.’ I said, as Charlie steered us home. ‘Still, mission accomplished.’

‘Glad to hear it.’

‘You’ve got Junior Jack just where you want him.’

‘Have I?’

‘Oh, yes.’

‘You approve then?’

‘Absolutely. Just, be sure it’s chicken feed you’re giving away and not the crown jewels!’

‘We need to go via the other Jack’s filling station.’

‘Okay.’

‘Wow! I had no idea.’

‘When were you here last?’

‘Well, three or four months I suppose, what with you doing all the driving these days, maybe longer.’

‘But you were right, it works because of location, and all these guys hanging-out are taking their official breaks here now, whilst their publically-owned vehicles are charging.’

‘He’s a clever sod, Jack. The town’s leading petrol head, is fleecing the climate-changers.’

‘Jealous?’

‘It’s the street-smart thing that I don’t have. Mind you, the sooner the ordinary parking is extended the better, because those workers still in petrol vehicles will want to join their mates in here. Ambulance crews and police officers not just filling-up but loitering, that’s what we want. Amazing how good the coffee tastes too!’

‘Wainwright would go ballistic!’

‘But everyone’s a winner, it’s the natural hub, it will look like the cheapest option in her budget too. Have you noticed what the screens are showing? Pension and insurance ads.’

‘Poor sods.’

‘Actually, given they have no choice over which card they use for fuel, we need a fix for that. Find a way to make sure the discretionary purchases only, determine the content on screen...’