‘Remind me, why are we doing this?’
‘Because we have been invited to be sociable, like any normal couple.’
‘Just don’t expect me to reciprocate.’
‘That’s already understood. Besides, we are merely invited to join the family for dinner, it’s not a do.’
‘Yes, but what’s Daphne’s idea of dinner when Barmy is at home?’
‘Getting the sprogs to sit-up at the table one imagines. No, but there is a massive irony to this, I admit. The two of them are living a classic, upwardly mobile, aspirational, middle class, suburban lifestyle - and schooling their children in it - and yet, they are rolling in cash and both had posher upbringings!’
‘This is going to be Mum and Dad all over again.’
‘Shades of it, yes, I would imagine.’
‘So, what do I say, about, coming over to us next time?’
‘Nothing. Look, Daphne is an ex-lover, Barmy a tech rival, this is all about them getting an entrée to the Villa so they can go over it with fine toothcomb!’
‘You mean I should relax because I’m in the driving seat.’
‘Besides, you’re going to knock them sideways with that outfit, where did it come from?’
‘Edoardo of course. Well, he did the alterations, finished it.’
‘Oh yes.’
‘He’s been acquiring a wardrobe for me. There’s this couple, part of his network, been touring warehouses during lockdown, he had them put me on their client list. “On social occasions you must be Tony’s equal, I make this happen.” He’s being very, obliging, is that the word?’
‘You know damn well it is. I’m more of a bloody consort now, I’ll try and be like the late Duke, rise above it. Oh! Use their concrete drive, pull up next to the monstrous people carrier.’
Moments later the front door opened and two teenage girls came running from the house. ‘Hi, Tony! Hello there, I’m Melisa, she’s Belinda. Mummy said it would be alright if we came out and groped your car.’
‘Be my guest.’
We left them to it and wandered in. ‘I’m in the lounge, Tony!’ Daphne was observing the drive from the window. ‘They’re too thin. I’m sure of it. What do you think Charlotte?’
‘Do they get out of breath with moderate exercise?’
‘Well no. But they’ve become gym rats now! That tires them, they’re out like a light at night.’
‘Well, that’s good.’
‘But they never eat!’
‘You mean you don’t see them eat.’
‘Well, I suppose so.’
‘They’d never keep up at the gym without a cheeseburger and fries on the side.’
‘Oh, right, I see, I think. Barmy’s in the shed, I’ll call him in. I’ve decided Tony, when the girls bugger off, to give him space upstairs. He’s very impressed with your set-up by the way.’
And a minute later; ‘Charlie! You look stunning. Welcome to Castle Gruber. You killed’em in the Games Room! “An outcome devoutly to be wished”, as your poet said. Oh! Enough said.’
‘Daddy, why don’t we have a proper car?’
‘We do, a work horse, perfect for what is required, in every respect. Besides, Tony’s car is the most dangerous on the road.’
‘Really! Because of its footprint?’
‘Because of its lack, of a footprint.’
‘How come?’
‘Use your device, both of you, I’ll give you one hour, find out all you can about it.’
‘Oh really, Barmy!’ Interceded Daphne.
‘They never explain you know, why she calls him Barmy? I know you know.’
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ I replied.
‘But he never calls her barmy back!’
‘Oh, I see what you mean. Well, I suppose it must have been one day in about nineteen eighty-three, Cat Mackintosh and I were...’
‘Not at the dining table, thank you Tony. We’ll stick with current affairs.’
When they were allowed down from the table they headed outside again. Daphne advised; ‘You’d better keep a watching eye, Tony.’ So, I went back into the lounge. At first, they stared at their screens bemused, then one of them had the idea of taking pictures, they were quite systematic, front, back, side elevation and dashboard. It wouldn’t help them right now, but in days to come, picture search feedback, via whatever their personalisation was - was probably their best bet of getting anywhere!
‘Daddy, this is hopeless, it doesn’t exist.’
‘But it’s sitting outside.’
‘Are you a secret agent Tony?’
‘Certainty not!’
‘I didn’t think so, it’s just things have been a bit odd around here since Daddy started working for our side. And all our teachers are anti-Brexit!’
‘It’s a very good Academy darling.’
‘You always say that Mummy. What does “precocious” mean Tony?’
‘Trouble.’
‘Tony! Stop letting the side down.’ Exclaimed Daphne. ‘She’s laying it on, she’s normally more grown-up.’
‘I knew it, that’s what I am, it’s official, in the school report.’
Soon, Barmy announced; ‘Let’s leave these folks to it Tony, I need to update you on the latest in the office.’
After some minutes of technical talk, I asked; ‘Is your Melisa turning out like us?’
He nodded. ‘I’ve always known, it’s just in the last year or so she’s turned more like you. I mean don’t get me wrong, she could still collect a First in any science subject at a university, but she’d never do original work. Just absorbs everything, gets straight A in every subject and gets bored as hell. But the enthusiasm, is all for the social, psychological stuff.’
‘Daphne?’
‘She doesn’t see it. I always told myself if I ever had a child, I wouldn’t let the same kind of stuff happen to them as...’
‘Of course. Permission to have a go, stick my oar in?’
‘You’ll have to keep Daphne on side.’
‘Yes, that’s the only tricky bit.’
‘Well thank you for a lovely evening Daphne, I understand Barmy’s off to the other carrier now. Why don’t we arrange for the three of you to come over to the Villa for a Tea on the patio, our gardener thinks we’re in for a glorious summer.’
‘Well, I can’t guarantee they won’t gnaw at the furniture.’
‘Mother! Thank you, Tony. We would be delighted to attend, wouldn’t we Bel?’
‘Well, that was different!’
‘Wasn’t it just.’
‘Do I need a brief, on shed activities?’
‘More tech developments, but really I need to practice more with the kit I’ve got, rather than try and keep up with the latest.’
‘Daphne trailed me as an expert on health and fitness.’
‘Oh, jolly good. What did you make of the girls?’
‘Why are you asking me?’
‘Well, outsiders view, fresh perspective.’
‘They seem happy enough, Daphne’s the one who seems anxious on everyone’s behalf. Has she always turned to you, when she’s stressed-out?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘I know it works, but how? You never actually counsel her.’
‘It’s something about just being there, presence, regressing a bit to carefree youth. Paying attention, as in attending to. Creating an atmosphere of, everything’s alright with the world.’
‘Feeling safe.’
‘In a word.’
‘Two words. How did they actually meet? Did you introduce them?
‘No, no. Not my machinations at all. After school Barmy was spirited away to one of those ancient German institutes. No, they met quite independently about ten years after she and I had been an item. I don’t actually know how, never been told, but I suspect Daphne’s father had a hand in it.’
‘What was he?’
‘Something in government service.’
‘I know where she got that accent.’
‘That’s what I love about her, she uses it so well, she’s truly literate, has genuine wit, immaculate timing.’
‘Go on, out you get, whilst I garage the car, sir.’
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