58: Matters of trust

‘Oh, there you are.’

‘I’ve just finished a session with Tuffy. He wants me to tell you some stuff.’

‘Coward!’

‘This is difficult. He, really doesn’t know you at all does he?’

‘Well, that thought has occurred, down the years, more often than I care to think about.’

‘And, there’s something about you, sometimes I’m not sure you care about him at all.’

‘Look, you’re right there is something a bit-off about our relationship. Perhaps if I just say; it’s Tuffy’s parents who hold a place in my heart, okay. I mean you might expect  Aunts to step forward in a crisis and all that, right. But Tuffy’s parents I just instinctively liked, and they liked me.’

‘I get it.’

‘Tuffy, just came as part of the package.’

‘Tuffy chickened-out, because he thinks you will be desperately upset to know you are not going to get to be his best man, and lay on a grand show at a grand wedding.’

‘It’s not all off, is it?’

‘No, just for various practical reasons, it’s a quiet registry office thing, they’ve been in the queue and they now have a date. It’s weird, I just thought, Tuffy must know, unconsciously.’

‘Go on.’

‘He wants you to take care of his mother, at the ceremony, the reception and whilst they bugger-off for a few days.’

‘My pleasure.’

‘The other thing I have to tell you, I mean I’ve been warning him I’ve got to do this for ages, otherwise the whole situation will go tits-up, is, Lady Victoria still doesn’t know about Tuffy’s “special treatments”, sir.’

‘Holy Moses. But, all three of them have been holed-up together for over a year!’

‘Precisely, sir.’

‘Vic knows, I’m sure of it, she’s had the measure of him for over thirty years, probably his mother knows too.’

‘He still has to fess-up.’

‘Of course, he does. What about the witnesses?’

‘Us.’

‘Oh, right. And the reception?’

‘Just the five of us, at their place.’

‘What time of day is the registry office?’

‘2,00pm.’

‘Piece of cake!’

‘I imagine they will require a little more than that, sir.’

‘No, no. All you have to do is get our wicker picnic basket into the car, then into the house. I’ll do the rest. I can’t believe how easy this is going to be. When we were kids, Tuffy’s papa had this kid’s party routine with some magic tricks, simplest misdirection and sleight of hand, but very impressive, even with the adults. Mrs Tufnell will know precisely where they are. What?’

‘That new work done on the chaise longue, it requires thorough crash testing, now.’

A few days later Charlie received a thick wad of paper through the post from Merriweather and Stollard. ‘Is this it?’

‘I imagine so.’

‘They think I should make a prompt appointment to come in to sign, with witnesses, plural?’

‘Well, I imagine everyone else is waiting on you having a free moment, you being so important and all that, for the next few weeks. Everyone really needs to be on board before the Park’s contract with the government kicks in. Brinkley’s back, he needs to sign, along with others, Bernard probably wants to do you all as a job lot.’

‘Why the urgency?’

‘Ah, well. The smaller document is all about permissions to change the Trust, the big one, the thing itself. Now, there is a sense in which, since the old Trust, as it were, becomes null and void, so does, in effect, for all practical purposes, some of its past activities. From the moment it comes in to force, the new Trust is, “squeaky clean and state of art”, to use Bernard’s phraseology...’

‘Certain things get swept under the carpet and stay there.’

‘I say, that’s rather a good way of putting it.’

‘So, what’s become of my mission statement, it’ll take me weeks to read this, let alone understand it.’

‘Well, it couldn’t be reproduced directly, it’s all about the future, our priorities can only be embedded in the law as it is today. We can only start, continue or stop on the basis of the current situation. I’ve found your intentions in at least twenty places so far though.’

‘Give me a couple examples then.’

‘So, as you know, basically we’re talking about residential and commercial buildings in various towns and farmland in the countryside. So, take Melbury Buildings…

‘I wish someone would.’

‘Agreed. I’d happily see it blown-up tomorrow. An appalling Modernist monstrosity, but a cash cow, in terms of the rents. Now, the Trust now says it will seek listed status for all its property. And what’s more it will seek to restore and enhance all. So, as soon as the Trustees start meeting, anyone is entitled to say that steps should be taken immediately to dispose of the above mentioned. Now, financially that is a double blow to the Trust, the cost of restoration-type work on the property we want to keep is astronomical, so we now have online retail and investment, website and social media innovation, behavioural…’

‘Your American investments.’

‘As you say, the Trust need not be restricted. It won’t be dependent on me gifting wads of cash after the event.’

‘And in the country?’

‘Well, for a start all that knocks out modern building on green field sites. But of course, you still get more and more clauses to allow small outhouses on farms provided they are essential utilities built in a style sympathetic to the etc. GMOs are out, trials in the gene-edited allowed. High intensity for animals out, set aside and woodland in, as existing contracts are fulfilled, tenancies fall vacant etc. See what I mean?’

‘I’ll phone now.’

That evening, when Charlotte returned from prep at the Park; ‘You know, having to work to a timetable is doing my head in. I almost joined everyone in the bar.’

‘Well, your membership does entitle you to booze your way through on the house wine for free, should you require it.’

‘No, staying sober whilst others... Well, it’s one of the few advantages I have. Read this.’ It was a three-page student handout like thing, on protocol when interacting with the eleven principals, being culturally aware etc. ‘I’ll never remember it all, I can’t instantly absorb like you.’

‘You won’t have to. So, whose been trying to tutor you in all this?’

‘Some Cabinet Office type.’

‘Who no doubt photocopied most of this from some EU manual. Buffy doesn’t want this.’

‘Go on.’

‘In essence, what is the club?

‘An English boarding school in an old country house, dominated by your lot who were all at the same school!’

‘You are only the waitress, you only understand the Queen’s English, you only speak when spoken to, you automatically serve coffee at eleven, if they want something else, sorry sir, we only have hot water in the coffee machine, they’ve already discovered the heating is off because it’s summer, it’s a Friday, you take it for granted you’ll be serving fish, there are only ten of them, hopefully, including Buffy as host so he’s in charge of the open fire, all the bag carriers are banished to the conference area making do with a cold spread. Besides, you’ve automatically been making sure our spring water and clean glasses are on all the tables.’

‘That’s brilliant.’

‘You are all body language; what FBI forensics would call a natural. All the nine guests, providing the EU can be banished to the ballroom, are as common as muck and only got where they are by ducking and diving, now they have expectations, they think they are entitled. All they get from you is, on first greeting each day, Good morning Prime Minister or Mr President or whatever, then sir or madam. The only person they can turn to is Buffy, I say Trumpton this girl is refusing me, whatever, that’s no girl that’s Sparkwell, treat her right she can get you anything smuggled-in, suddenly you are the Maître d’hôtel, the Concierge. Buffy has them trapped there; they, have to get on, with you.’

‘Buffy wants to start a bun fight?’

‘He wants them, to start one. At some point they’ll discover the Games Room, only then you’ll have them all, including Buffy.’

‘And when all this is going down, you just happen to be catching up on old times with Barmy.’

‘You worked that one out then.’