Early on arrivals day, Barmy and I worked on some ‘rules of engagement’ for the Summit. Keeping half an eye on the network news on one part of our screens, we came to an informal understanding. We’d both save to external drives only what we put-up on the shared part of our screens, two copies of the same stuff. It was to be private, only viewed in the presence of family and friends, no online sharing. There would be a cooling off period of two weeks, of locking the external drives away, even if others requested a viewing.
‘This is like group work at school.’
‘Oh, I do hope so.’ I replied.
‘What can you offer me?’
‘Three possibilities, outside chance of four.’
‘Don’t be such a tease, I’ve already said you’ll get aerial photography all today until sundown.’
‘Right, well as you’ve probably worked out for yourself, the conference area cameras are state of the art but they will likely be the most boring; officials at desks, drafting communiques. The cameras in the Games Room are quite good for sound and vision, they move but are controlled from the Park’s security desk. Buffy wants the leaders alone in the lounge, bar and dining area as much as possible, but those cameras are static, not high quality and the sound is a bit pathetic according to Charlie.’
‘How does she know?’
‘Ah, well, yes. After the amateur revenge porn incident, she applied a little pressure on the perpetrator, fixed it so he could keep his job provided he acquiesced to any small favours she might ask. Anyway, a year or so ago when Daphne and I were having one of our lunches she took it upon herself to watch us on camera.’
‘You know, always the student one day displaces the tutor.’
‘It will come to us all no doubt.’
‘And the fourth possibility?’
‘If Charlie gets the chance to take any still images, or video come to that, on her work mobile which has automatic back-up to here. I may share I may not, Buffy may want some of it leaked to The Beacon, but Wooley will have to pay, one way or another.’
The arrivals provided some good dramatic introductory material for any future private show, politicians emerging from various forms of air transport looking somewhat lost and bemused. The first developing situation to truly draw us in was the moment Uncle appeared to depart from the script of the meet and greet. This opening encounter unfolded in the form of a proper high tea, taken sitting-up in the dining area. The esteemed relative appeared to be drawing his speech to a close when he paused for a second or two. Experience told me something would happen; ‘Listen-up Barmy!’
‘I really cannot let this occasion pass, without passing comment, on just how privileged you are going to be over the next few days, you are being served by no less a personage than Charlotte Sparkwell here. I could say that she has agree to demean herself by waiting on you all, but that, as you will discover, would be patronising to her, in the extreme; she is, as you will discover a force to be reckoned with, and as the partner of my nephew, the co-owner alongside myself of this palatial pile - you should close your ears to this Prime Minster, perhaps now is the moment to do the sausages, you seem to have got the fire well away. Now where was I? Oh yes, my nephew was at school with your official host, so you can be sure he has briefed Sparkwell in any salient facts, she is also a fully paid-up member of the club which normally rents this space, indeed one notable, female club wit, refers to her as the Valette, a not altogether inaccurate description. Anyway, enough said. I close, by simply saying, good luck to you all.’
There was a moment of silence as Uncle sat down, then enthusiastic applause from Japan, South Korea and Australia. The others remained stony-faced, except Canada and France who looked positively terrified.
‘Oh, good lord, well that’s my briefing to Charlie out the window, anything could happen now!’
‘I think she is blushing, ya?’
‘She won’t like it if she becomes the centre of attention.’
The next incident of note occurred soon after breakfast the following day, India was leaning back on the fireguard, warming himself. Germany had already grabbed the most comfortable of the fireside seats. ‘Excuse me Prime Minister, it might be safer if you stood forward a little, our Prime Minister appears to have been a bit too enthusiastic, throwing so many logs on the fire, it may take off at any moment.’
‘Yes, eh, thank you Sparkwell. Now what’s the expression, “bull in a china shop” I think.’
‘Very apt, sir.’
‘You know I still have to deal with some older civil servants who modelled themselves on the British, one or two even had an English education.’
Then Germany joined in; ‘I was always told the English upper classes have excellent table manners, seeing Trumpton consuming his breakfast has disabused me of that!’
‘The Prime Minster is not upper-class, madam. He received his education entirely through scholarships.’
‘I see. I could not help but notice Sparkwell, but you are much better dressed than our host.’
‘My employer is most generous, and provides a clothing allowance.’
‘So, what is your usual job?’
‘I’m employed by the Trust which is part owner of the house and parkland.’
‘But I thought that was your husband, the Earl’s nephew?’
‘Almost indistinguishable madam. Legally, to avoid a conflict of interest, I’m accountable to the Trustees, although if the work is charitable, I am one of the Trustees.’
‘Ah, yes, British business law, we are familiar, not like on the continent.’ So mused India.
‘Yes, but what do you actually do?’ Insisted Germany.
‘I think the answer, as you rightly observed Chancellor, is in her clothing. When his lordship referred to her as a Valette, he meant a female valet, manservant.’
‘In point of fact madam, we are not married, indeed only a few months ago I was forced to seriously considering alternative employment. Arrrrh...’
‘What on earth’s the matter child?’
‘A screeching noise in my ear, I do apologise madam.’
‘You’re wearing an earpiece?’
‘For my music, madam, when I’m behind the bar with nothing to do.’
At which point Buffy came into view, and a second or so later the fire suddenly took off. ‘Ah, always Buffy “five seconds to midnight” Trumpton - as we say in Germany!’
‘Nice to warm the cockles, bit chilly still this morning.’
‘It’s the only source of heating in the damn building Trumpton.’ Asserted Germany.
‘So much like summer in the mountains, and no end of what you insist on calling rhododendrons.’ India appeared to have started enjoying himself.
‘There’s been a leak Charlie, I’m sorry, mark my words, I’ll have words.’ Buffy appeared to hand her a copy of The Beacon. I pulled up the website; Buffy Protection Officer’s Sextape Agony PAGE THREE EXCLUSIVE.
The article about Charlotte was illustrated with an alluring picture of her in full yoga kit. The words could have been written by Wooley at any time in the last eighteen months, with the addition of ‘Buffy’s personal protection officer’ and ‘Navy pin-up’. The words ‘massage’ and ‘yoga’ were liberally sprinkled throughout. The by-line, Stella January, and the expression, ‘super-fit, with a hint of mucky’ were something of a giveaway however. But it all helped to provide a fun tribute, totally void of salient or intrusive details; the Don had clearly got to know his subject well and valued his continuing membership of the club.
During the morning coffee break, Germany sort to strike up a conversation again. ‘Sparkwell, it said in that despicable article Trumpton insisted on showing us, that you are qualified in massage as well as yoga and sports physiotherapy.’
‘Yes, madam.’
‘And you are involved with the spa here?’
‘Only informally, madam, as a member of the club, I try to see that standards are maintained, it’s a newish venture, quite modest in its way.’
‘But the whole place is called a spa?’
‘Yes madam, but the spring itself is small, the whole of the estate is high in the valley, close to the source of the river, so there is a limited water supply anyway. We take nothing from the public supply.’
‘I was disappointed the facility would not be open to us, I am use to regular weekly treatments. I was wondering if you could possibly make yourself available one evening?’
‘Alas madam, I’m under contract to the Prime Minister twenty-four seven, throughout the conference.’
‘Quite right to.’ So said Buffy, walking into shot once more. ‘Besides Charlie here has been delegated to supervise the evening entertainments!’
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