17: Charlie Barista

‘Anthony! About time.’

‘Morning Auntie. Brinkley, my apologies, Charlie had problems finding a parking space.’

‘I trust she’s not joining us?’ Exclaimed the esteemed relative.

‘No aged A. She’s sat in reception, but she has my briefcase just in case we need documents.’ I walked across to the window. ‘I say, you really have bagged the best office, quite the most impressive view of our cathedral city I always think. Of course, Merriweather has a slight advantage being on the floor above…’

I was interrupted by Brinkley trying to stifle a cough, he recovered remarkably well. ‘I fear there has been a slight breakdown in communications. Mrs Hayward was quite unaware that we had moved location - almost two weeks ago - and that we are now in the same building as Bernard and his new partners.’

‘Really? Still, it all looks very efficient to me.’

‘Rather too ostentatious for my tastes, I hadn’t realised how prosperous you had become. I take it your business really is doing well, and that all this isn’t just done on the “never-never”?’

‘I can assure you we pay a minimal rent to the leaseholders.’

‘They’re sub-letting to you?’

‘In essence, Mrs Hayward. Merriweather and Stollard, as we must get use to calling them, have taken a lease on the whole building.’

‘And who pray owns the building?’

‘Well, in part, you do.’

‘Oh really, this is too much, you’re becoming as vague and evasive as my nephew.’

‘Surely you remember great Uncle Septimus telling you that one of his ancestors was a partner in the old bank which used to occupy this building in the 1860’s?’

‘Of course.’

‘Well, they held what we’d call the freehold on this place and it became one of the original assets in the Trust’s portfolio when it was first set up back in the year whenever!’

‘I see.’

‘In fact, Mrs Hayward, I’ve just had the rather delicious pleasure of replying to Bernard’s email reminding us that the rent was due - with a formal letter demanding the ground rent!’

I hadn’t seen such a broad smile on Brinkley’s face before. But once again he seemed to make a supreme effort in the face of Auntie’s non-response. ‘Well now, the floor is yours Mrs Hayward.’

‘I have certain questions about how you have been conducting business on behalf of the Trust, Brinkley.’

‘Indeed madam. I should say that in response to your urgent request for a meeting of the trustees, well I’ve kept this quite informal between the three of us for now, should you wish to make it official we will of course need to get Bernard along with one of his legal secretaries.’

‘Well that rather depends on the two of you giving me some straight answers for once; if not, I’m sure since the others are on the premises, it shouldn’t take more than a moment to summon them.’

‘Actually, I’m afraid, well I know for a fact, Bernard is in court today.’

‘Strange. One would have thought that as the senior partner he would have left the less savoury side of his profession to the more junior staff.’

‘Now there you’ve put your finger on it, Mrs Hayward. I fear our mutual friend has a weakness - he rather fancies himself as an advocate.’

‘I say!’

‘Oh, do stop this charade Anthony! You sound like a character out of one of those musicals from the 1930’s.’

‘Sorry, Auntie. It is a serious matter if Merriweather has taken to arguing his own cases in court - one can’t help wondering how his clients feel about it?’

‘I understand he’s quite meticulous about his preparations and presentation in court, very thorough with his law, it’s just, well he doesn’t seem that knowledgeable about the kind of judges he comes up against. Of course, we are rather out in the sticks here, and it tends to be all very last minute when it comes to finding out who will be sitting in the Crown Court. Anyway, I digress. Now Mrs Hayward, what precisely was it you were unhappy about?’

‘This notification you sent me, this purchase; why on earth have the two of you spent a seven-figure sum on some mineral rights?’

‘Yes, I’m afraid even that notification is rather out of date now, there should be a further written notification coming to you in the next few days.’

‘And what will that say?’

‘That the acquisition has now been disposed of.’

‘You were able to make a quick profit I take it?’

‘No. We made the mineral rights a charitable gift.’

‘What! You gave away...’

‘There is a quite unrelated matter you might be interested in Auntie, apropos of nothing at all you understand, I have recently, using my own money, bought a forty per cent interest in the Crawford Park development.’

‘But you don’t have any money of your own, beyond your monthly allowance!’

‘Oh, that was more than enough!’

‘These things do tend to come down to accounting convenience in the end Mrs Hayward.’

‘But I’ve been hearing appalling things about that country hideaway you and your associates have been creating, how it’s all about to go belly-up because you were too incompetent to realise the very ground on which it stands… oh I see.’

‘Property in the English countryside Mrs Hayward, as I’m sure you will appreciate has always been the soundest of long-term investments, and when one considers the fact that your nephew’s Uncle, the Earl, holds another forty per cent…'

Suddenly there was at knock on the door. ‘Enter!’ And there stood Charlie holding a plastic tray at shoulder height, upon which there appeared to be four paper takeaway cups with plastic lids - but lacking any of the usual brand advertising. ‘Good gracious Ms Sparkwell, does this mean you’ve been able to make the coffee machine work? It is the one item alas that has failed to be efficient so far!’

‘It just needed a bit of a kick-start Mr Brinkley. I blasted the mechanism with boiling water for ten seconds or so.’

‘By the way, since you are here, I should say we more or less, finally, have a job description and a contract of employment for you.’

‘I know, a lady calling herself Merriweather and Stollard’s employment law specialist just nipped down from upstairs to brief me. How she knew I was here I’ve no idea?’

‘Blame me Charlie, the whole building has a single new security system. I’m afraid I took the opportunity and persuaded Bernard to host a modest little road test of some facial recognition software a friend has been tinkering with.’

‘Surprise, surprise. Anyway, she’s explained the draft documents the two of you came up with, and the changes she’s insisting upon.’

‘I knew it! Is there no area of life where the two of you won’t angle for some advantage? What on earth were they going to make you sign my dear?’

‘Well that wasn’t at all clear apparently, the wording being so vague. Her main concern however is my residence at the apartment, and what might happen in the event of a breakdown in relations, so to speak.’

‘A not unlikely eventuality where my nephew is concerned, he has - I regret to say - a somewhat equivocal reputation. So, how is the matter to be resolved?’

‘My employer will formally be the charitable arm of the Trust, whilst my normal duties will be as a “carer” to one of the trustees, I may also be called upon to undertake tasks in other areas of the Trust’s charitable activities.’

‘Now that Brinkley my old son, is what we pay Merriweather so handsomely for. All we have to do now is make sure he doesn’t get carried away by the sound of his own voice and ends up being chucked in chokey for contempt of court!’

Then Auntie, determined to have the last word as always, said; ‘Charlotte, this coffee is really quite acceptable. Brinkley, I think a modest outlay on some china cups would be in order.’