100: Winter Break

‘You sprung this on me at the last moment as a surprise treat, because you knew I’d see it for what it really is, a busman’s holiday!’

‘Well...’

‘Come on, explain! Why are we having a weekend away only thirty minutes up the road, at a country house hotel? We, who spend half our lives at the Park or Checkley Manor. And why are we sat here on the roadside staring through the mist at a rather sorry excuse for an industrial estate?’

‘We, are looking at what remains of Morestead railway station. The one time branch line terminus, from which the old GWR used to bus it’s rich first class punters up onto the Moor to it’s luxury Morestead Manor Hotel. And our home for the next two nights.’

‘I see, this is all to do with Mr Tufnell’s obsession.’

‘Correct. Well, in a way. A scheme, as you would have it, has occurred to me, and others.’

‘Oh, god.’

‘I’ll take over the driving from here on, this is the fun part.’

‘Very good, sir.’

‘In a minute or two we shall be coming to that part of the road onto the Moor, which is the true source of the legend of The Hairy Hand.’

‘My God! Be careful.’

‘Oh, it never appears in daylight. And generally, only afflicts drivers coming in the opposite direction.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, first you have to understand it’s a very modern legend. No one ever heard of it before the age of motorised vehicles. Reports of a hand which wrestles control of the steering wheel from the driver, seemed to come only from those coming down off the Moor at night whilst returning home from one or more of the remote public houses with the more relaxed opening hours. These stories originated from a time before seat belts and the drink driving laws. Now, coming up is the first of what are in essence one and a half s-bends in quick succession!’ Having already turned off all the modern gizmos, I crashed the car through the first of the up hill curves. ‘Don’t you love the way she just sticks to the road!’

‘That’s if your old arse, can take it.’ So said Charlie as she did that old trick of letting her right hand brush my inner thigh, just as we were hitting the second of the bends. ‘Don’t tell me, it used to be an accident black spot.’

‘Precisely so, and one imagines the legend began with a local farmer trying to explain to the police, how he came to be stuck upside down in his vehicle half way down the hill at two in the morning! But you can also imagine the story being told by the hotel’s bus driver, to his posh passengers from the city, as he crashed the gears whilst his charabanc coughed and spluttered it’s way up and down the hill.’

‘That romance of travel again.’

‘Indeed. Tomorrow, I’ll find a discrete spot out of reach of the park rangers to give you a chance to practice using the four-wheel drive, off road.’

‘You know how an open horizon always gives me a bit of an itch...’

‘Good god woman! It’s the end of January and we’ll be a couple of thousand feet up. We may even find some snow.’

‘It never stopped the Eskimos, or Inuit, or whatever.’

‘The name is Arlington, a double for two nights, on your off-peak deal.’

‘Ah yes, sir. The manager has asked me to upgrade you to the Garden Suite.’

‘Well, okay as long as the price stays the same.’

‘Of course, sir. Only the extras will be extra.’

The receptionist’s eyes, gave away a presence behind me. I turned, to find myself confronted by a tall, looming and stern male figure; ‘My god, Junior Jack, we haven’t met in years! Er, it’s okay we’re travelling light, only a grip each, and I’m sure we can find our own way.’

‘I’m the manager, Miss. As this cocky bastard knows perfectly well. Dad said you were getting worse.’

Then Charlie piled in with; ‘He had me thinking it was a surprise romantic weekend away. We’ve met before.’

‘Yeah. I used to be the bouncer at the old Majestic, when Dad owned it. You were a right grubby street urchin back then. You’ve done well for yourself. How’s the Captain?’

‘Hail and hearty, thanks!’

‘The boys who operate the spa and pool are looking forward to meeting you. Brought your bathers, have you?’

‘What do you think?’ Said Charlie, as she came out of the bathroom wearing only a bikini. One of those modern affairs, beloved of fitness types, made of the stretchy stuff, intended to minimise drag.

‘I like it! For someone who doesn’t care for swimming, you have all the right kit.’

‘It always goes in the bag, just in case.’

‘I’m sure the boys at the pool and spa will be impressed.’

‘So, what’s the set-up?’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘You know what I mean, you want me to wander the whole place, absorb the stuff you wouldn’t notice, but is there anything I should be on the look out for, anything I need to be briefed about?’

‘No, no. Just. Don’t initiate anything, just let employees tell you stuff about their employers they think, I might need to know.’

‘So, as usual I’m a mere conduit, sir.’

‘John!’

‘Tony.’ He said as I sidled up to him in the bar.

‘How is your father?’

‘We, need your help.’

‘Go on.’

‘We have this place, as of last week we have the old station, for a while now we’ve had the track bed as far as the arty-farty, middle classy, second home, picturesque village, but now we’re stuck. You’re the ideas man.’

‘Umm. They mustn’t be forced, we need them on side, their money and enthusiasm. Somehow heritage Britain, which on the face of it would love a steam railway, has to be offered a green solution. Tricky one that. Unless of course their preferred political party gets into power and tells them it is the green solution, know what I mean John!’

‘Bloody hell! All the same, whenever I confront Dad about how we ever get our money back, he avoids the question.’

‘If, the government effectively pays for half the overall scheme, we go into operating profit as soon as it is open in it’s entirety, north to south.’

‘How?’

‘Because everyone will have to use us.’

‘You can’t know that.’

‘We will be cheaper, more convenient, more comfortable and certainly more reliable, than the roads - that is, once the Mediterranean climate truly kicks in, and we’re everyone’s favourite green tourist destination again.’

‘Well, that was exciting. It is a bit nippy though. Look at the car, it’s a mess.’

‘We’ll hit the other Jack’s carwash on the way home.’

‘Oh no, I can’t see where we’ve come, the mist, and the light’s going.’

‘Worry not, I’ll drive back, I’ve driven it before, and walked it come to that.’

‘Are you sure, that was decades ago.’

‘I can have the compass off the sat-nav in the corner of my eye.’

‘How does that work?’

‘When you walk it, you do it with a compass bearing, whether you think you need it or not. Memory is a wonderful thing. It even helps that the light is going, conscious awareness can focus on feeling the contours, on avoiding the ditch, as it were.’

Charlie began to relax again as we got towards the main road; ‘So, if Morestead is the end of the line, in the north, where’s the southern end?’

‘You were there, just over a year ago.’

‘Oh my god! How the hell do you get your hands on all of that?’

‘A unique collaboration between the navy, and a revived coal industry.’

‘Coal!’