‘Oh, there you are. You disappeared to get the post ages ago!’
‘I’m gobsmacked.’
‘By whom?’
‘By what. This cheque from The Beacon, it’s massive!’
‘Are well, royals, that’s a different league all together.’
‘Perhaps I was wrong to turn down Don’s offer to act as agent and sell the pics on.’
‘No. Wise decision. A good reputation for discretion, is worth more in the long run.’
‘You still think they won’t mind about me doing the exclusive for The Countrywoman?’
‘It’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it. A small regional magazine exclusive, authored by the photographer, highlighting good works rather than high jinks. No problem.’
‘You going to drive me to Jack’s garage then?’
‘Yes. As long as you promise to bring number one car straight back here and garage it, and put the car cover over it.’
‘Very good, sir.’
‘I’ll hang around for a while, then return and park out front. I know, it’s a silly conceit. But you’d be amazed how unobservant the average person is. And at the very least we get a good laugh out of it, we might even gain some as yet unknown advantage.’
‘Tuffy didn’t notice when we loaded the picture frames.’
‘There’s nothing average about Tuffy!’
I returned in time for lunch. ‘Here. Take a look at this.’ Said Charlie, passing over a print-out whilst we were sat at the kitchen table. ‘It’s a programme for Melisa, one whole night shadowing the manager at the shelter, then a day off, then a day in the shop, a day at the halfway house and a day in the office including a committee meeting.’
‘Looks good, a teacher will visit at some point, worth finding out when.’
‘Oh, right.’ Then the doorbell rang. ‘That will be her now, I’ll let her in.’
As Melisa came on through, she said; ‘Love the new car, Tony!’
Charlie collapsed in hysterics.
‘And there’s nothing average about Mel either!’ I asserted.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Tony reckons no one will notice the new car, it being so similar to the other one. He thinks we can go on pretending to have one, when in fact be have two. Our mews garage looks like a single, but is in fact long enough to take the two.’
‘That’s cool. Actually, I think he might be right about most people.’
‘Here! Charlie has worked out a programme.’ I handed over the piece of paper.
‘That should be great, thanks.’
‘Have some lunch.’
‘Okay. Dad will be here to pick me up in about fifteen minutes, said he wants a catch-up.’
‘I could show you the treatment room.’ Said Charlie.
‘Magic.’
‘So, this guy just walks straight up to me and says, I believe you’re an old friend of Anthony’s, like he knows you. Turns out it is his brother who met you years ago. But anyway...’ We were coming down the stairs after our conversation in the media room. ‘Are you ready Melisa?’
A moment later they emerged from the treatment room. Charlie and I stood by the front door and watched them go. ‘Did Barmy say anything about the car?’
‘No, hasn’t noticed yet.’
‘How much does it cost us going by car to your great cathedral city?’
‘Well, it used to cost, two or three quid I suppose, plus parking fees.’
‘I’m losing money every day I don’t pay that cheque in.’
‘True.’
‘Archie already thinks I’m saving too much, when I should be investing.’
‘That’s his job, buyer beware. Only ever invest amounts you can afford to lose.’
‘How much is that?’
‘Well, it’s different for everybody, but traditionally the rule of thumb is twenty per cent of your overall assets.’
‘What’s good to invest in then?’
‘First mistake. You should only be considering things you know about, things where you are confident of your level of expertise. Never trust people who invest, that is spend, other people’s money. Even with things like charities, those who donate should actually be able to see, literally, where their money is going. That’s why local charities tend to be more ethical.’
‘The only thing I’m meant to know about is sports and leisure.’
‘There is another aspect to investing you might want to consider, there are those people who are what you might call, investors for influence rather than profit, people who own a few per cent of a business, then exploit their rights to the full, call people to account at shareholder’s meetings, sometimes sit on boards, know their company law back to front.’
On our next foray to the Park, Charlie asked; ‘How much is the whole stables enterprise costing?’
‘An arm and a leg, probably. I’m making it half a dozen or so contracts, spread over several years. It has certain nightmare scenarios. Like almost reaching completion only to find new wrought iron gates don’t quite hang properly, that sort of thing.’
‘God!’
‘And it’s a very long-term investment, indulgence you might say. Just raises the value of the leases on the bungalows really. You can’t have astronomical management fees otherwise it defeats the point of what are in essence retirement properties. But the entire grounds will look forever neglected if it isn’t sorted.’
‘Then is that it, for improvements?’
‘Apart from all the never-ending stuff, replacing pipes, better insulation, developing our own sources of energy etc. You do it bit by bit over very long periods to try to absorb the cost.’
‘Talking of investments.’ I said as we entered the bar; ‘I spy a forum addict. Cat!’
‘Tony, Charlie. I heard that!’ He said looking up from his mobile. ‘And you’re right of course. What I’ve been a bit slow to pick up on, is how the portal, well all sorts of social media I suppose, interacts, is part of real life. I always tell myself to go into the portal before setting-out, not always possible, but you can’t just turn up here anymore and find out what’s happening by idle chat because people announce and report, post photos and videos online, then assume when you buy them a drink that you’ve already consumed all that!’
‘The online club has become integral you mean; you can’t be part of one without the other.’
‘I know by the standards of the Internet that the advertising is pretty tame, but none the less it is a bit intrusive.’
‘Well, speaking as the principal administrator, it’s either that or accept above inflation increases in fees. I spend too much time in the portal too, I suppose what we really need is a marketing manager, for the Park as a whole.’
‘Geeky, tech savvy.’
‘Therefore young. Classy, stylish...’
‘Country bred, a face, who can handle the media.’
‘Female.’
‘I’m still here you know! I may be ferreting behind this bar, but I can hear every word.’ So piped-up Charlie.
‘But you know what we mean!’
‘Sure, but it would probably cost you seventy grand to get one full-time, you know.’
‘Good lord!’
‘I say!’
‘What you need Holmes, is Fiona.’
‘Who’s Fiona!’ Said Cat and I in unison.
‘You are slow sometimes, you go on about observational awareness, but miss it, her that is, when she’s staring you in the face.’
‘Go on.’
‘The face of Jack’s Classic Cars, the pretty but smart, front of house, who enchants the rich but dim punters, is the same Fiona who once worked at Macy’s and ensnared Tuffy years ago.’
‘Good lord!
‘I say!’
‘Precisely, sirs.’
‘But we’ll never entice her away from Jack, if she’s all you say she is.’
‘You won’t have to, most of what you need is online, right? I know she likes her job, but a lot of the time she just has to sit there waiting for the next customer, offer her a package. Staff privileges when she needs to be the face here, which is more than likely evenings and weekends, plus ten or fifteen hours or whatever, done from some sort of encrypted programme on Jack’s computer.’
‘Sod that, I’ll provide the hardware thank you very much.’
‘Well, there you are then. Another drink, gentlemen?’
‘Thanks. You know Cat, I think we should get a negotiator on site right away.’
‘Oh, absolutely.’ He replied, as we both stared at Charlie.
‘What’s the finder’s fee?’
‘Good lord!’
‘I say!’
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