‘So, what fun and frolics have we today, sir?’ So said Sparkwell as we emerged from our ablutions and she turned her attention to my raiment.
‘Is that my sole purpose in life now, to keep you amused? Well, after breakfast and the post naturally, you get to inspect progress with the building work at the spa, and if I can persuade the architect to dally awhile, you may hear of my plans for the old stable block and walled garden.’
‘But I thought that was all off, due to a lack of water?’
‘Your ever innovative employer, let me tell you, has come up with alternative arrangements.’
‘Another solicitor’s letter, sir.’
‘Good lord, from Periwinkle and Blythe no less, Bernard’s leading competitor. The only thing I know about them was that the late, great, Mr. Tufnell senior used them.’ The room fell silent. ‘Well, I’ll be damned; “We have been asked to forward attached copy of Mrs. Mary Tufnell’s new last will and…etcetera.” Gosh, this could be trouble.’
‘Coffee in the kitchen, in five?’
‘Thanks Charlie.’
‘You’re going to share it with me, is that wise?’
‘Oh, I think so, given Tuffy’s tendency to turn to either or both of us, when he’s stressed or confused. Yes, a briefing is definitely in order.’ I took a gulp of black coffee, wondering where to start. ‘Well, the simple bit is she’s left the house and any cash to her son, as one might expect. The tricky bit is that her household furniture, goods and personal possessions she leaves jointly to Tuffy and myself, to be divided as we see fit.’
‘And that’s likely to cause trouble?’
‘Well, yes and no. Firstly I doubt Tuffy knows what I would value, not necessarily all of great monetary worth, but some of it certainly is.’
‘Like the seascapes. I imagine, the Lady Vic will have something to say about that!’
‘Quite, but they’re just the tip of the iceberg, Tuffy is remarkably ignorant about everything in that house, Victoria probably knows more by now.’
‘Seems to me you should ally your self with her, work through her, to get what you want. Tuffy as a go-between would just confuse the issue.’
‘I mean, a lot of this is Mrs Tufnell being nervous about what happens to her late husband’s valuables, I’m the only person she can trust to make sure they end-up going to people who would value them. Bit like you and Captain Bob.’
‘Well, work on Victoria, that’s my advice. By the way, apparently when Bob was talking to Bernard, he said, Bernard that is, if I had any doubts about my role in proceedings I should come in and talk to him.’
‘Have you seen the final signed document yet?’
‘No. Bob just said he insisted to Bernard, that I should have the final say. Bob’s halfway to the Falklands now, god knows when I’ll hear.’
‘Worry not, the islands are fully wired-up these days. Every retailer even has a free portable chip and pin machine, they can now refuse cash payments in any currency - much to the relief of the Port Stanley bank apparently.’
It was one of those days when Charlotte assumes the subservient role, indicated by her following one step behind, rather than being alongside or one step in front. Having plied the architect with coffee at the bar, we then proceeded to the garden and listened to his explanation of foundations, damp courses and sympathetic stone work. Whilst he spoke, we stared at new walls rising and looked into an abyss we were assured would be the aquatherapy pool. Once he had come to an explanatory halt, I chipped in with; ‘We may have a further project proposal for you, if you could spare another twenty minutes or so.’
A five-minute hike took us to the old stable block. ‘Given the estates limited water resources I’ve abandoned previous plans for more residential development. However, you’ll have noticed that the bungalows lack garages and a number of their back gardens, porches and conservatories are cluttered with various mobility aids, both manual and motorised. What I propose is that the tarmac is continued as far as here and the entrance to the walled garden, therefore passing the back gardens; they, all get free wooden fencing with back gates and we, restore and convert the stables into a series of car ports.’ Our architect friend extracted a pen knife from his back pocket and began sampling the state of the mortar between the brickwork. I continued with; ‘Obviously the woodwork of the roof would need to be preserved or replaced but the rotting wood of individual doors and internal partitions could be constituted firewood. One area needs reconstituting as a garage for a minibus, with a discrete, independent petrol or diesel supply. The ironwork entrance of the walled garden needs replacing with a key code lock attached, but could be replicated in design with a matching pair for the stables. The walled garden can be offered as a private flower garden and allotments, for the bungalow residents only...’
Then Charlie cut in; ‘There’s a familiar profile approaching from the direction of the house, sir.’
I turned, the figure’s gait was unmistakable; ‘Familiar indeed, the lesser spotted.’
‘Tony!’
‘Tuffy.’
‘Explain! Because I’m damned if I can see it. I think mother has gone a bit fay. It is rather grating for a chap you know.’
‘Well, it is everyone’s prerogative, to leave as they please, the thing is, you do understand your mother and father were, well, the closest I got to a mother and father for many years...’
‘I know old man, but all the same.’
‘And I was interested in all the things your father did, which you weren’t - if you see what I mean. Now, be honest Tuffy.’
‘Well...’
‘Take your father’s study for example, have you ever worked through it? Would you understand it if you did? Would you recognise items of value? And needless to say, my offer on the seascapes still stands.’ Tuffy stared into space as if he’d suddenly realised, he had no idea where he was. ‘Anyway, you didn’t hike out all this way just to look for a row, did you?’
‘No. There’s something more urgent. I’ve submitted a formal complaint to the membership committee.’
‘What on earth about?’
‘To get Trumpton chucked out of course. It’s official now, he’s a liar and a cad.’
‘Well? What’s that got to do with me?’
‘We need your backing of course.’
‘Who is this, “we”?’
‘All of the right-thinking element, who do you think? You have the evidence to sink him.’
‘Do I?’
‘On camera!’
‘Tuffy, I hate to tell you, but that’s evidence to sink practically all of us!’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Well on lockdown rules alone, you were pissed and hardly socially distanced at the reunion in May, if I recall.’
‘But we’d been tested, and jabbed, and exempted by the government.’
‘But that’s rather what Buffy is claiming, isn’t it? Our behaviour may be morally reprehensible but...’
‘I was going to ask you to go before the committee, but as usual I can’t tell who’s side, you’re really on!’
‘Tuffy?’ Charlotte interrupted; ‘Will you walk me back to the house? It’s such a long time since we’ve had a chat.’
Say what you like about her, but she can time an intervention to the split second. As they started to wander off, she took his arm, as any close confidant might. ‘Isn’t she a cracker?’ I said, to no one in particular, then turning back to the friendly architect; ‘Sorry about the interruption, now where were we? Ah, yes, the road side trench that carries the electric will naturally need to be extended from the last bungalow to here and the walled garden, but I’d like it opened up again as far as the house, so the fibre optics can come as far as the minibus garage...’
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