‘Welcome to our humble abode, one and all.’ Daphne and her daughters, Melisa and Belinda, turned to look at me with apparent wide-eyed surprise as I entered the reception room on what was turning out to be one of the last sunny summer afternoons. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, have I interrupted someone’s joke before the punchline?’ This was followed by tittering all round.
‘You know Charlotte I do believe you’re correct, there is a distinct family resemblance, now you come to mention it.’
‘Oh, lord! I must confess it hadn’t occurred to me that there might be a downside to putting her on such prominent display. Do sit down all of you, I trust you found us without difficulty?’
‘You forget Tony, I’ve been here before, almost exactly thirty years ago to the day.’
‘Well, I’ll be damned! Yes of course.’
‘I remember the picture too, unavoidable if one needed to use the loo!’
‘It was still there when Charlie first saw it.’
‘Scared the life out of me!’
‘It scared everybody!’ Replied Daphne.
‘When exactly was this Mummy?’ Asked Melisa.
‘End of our second year wasn’t it, Tony?’
‘Yes, I was stopping here for a few days before taking you for a long weekend at Checkley Manor. I remember picking you up at the railway station.’
‘Did he have a glamourous car then too?’
‘We thought so at the time, but looking back it was rather a cramped bone-shaker, not easy to get in and out of.’
‘An old MG Midget, if you care to look it up. Painted duck-egg blue, which is really a pale green, the colour they used to put on the underside of fighter aircraft.’
‘This room has changed, it used to be quite cluttered, now it looks much more formal.’
This was followed by a moment or two of silence, broken only by Melisa saying; ‘So why did the two of you break up; no one ever explains?’
‘Isn’t it obvious, I wasn’t good enough for her. Would you care for a guided tour Daphne, perhaps it would jog the memory even further?’
‘I thought you’d never ask.’
‘Would you care to lead the way, Charlie?’
‘Oh, no! I always learn so much I never knew, when you lead a tour!’
‘Very well. Now across the way, we have Charlotte’s lair, where the world comes to be restored...’
We ended, at the bottom of the garden. ‘This is what looks truly familiar, which of course can’t be literally true, obviously you’ve been making quite an effort at restoration.’
‘Well, thank you.’
‘I’ll make a start on tea. I’ll leave you to put out the tables Tony.’ So said Charlie, drifting away.
‘You’ve done marvellously well Tony, are you happy?’
‘Never better.’
‘It all rather makes one discontent for somewhere grander, though Barmy would never hear of it.’
‘She always gives Daddy the last word! Positively feudal.’ Said Melisa.
‘Strange choice of words for one so young.’
‘She’s recently discovered Wodehouse.’
‘Oh! Excellent. I always think of Wodehouse as a response to Sherlock Holmes, you might care to have the two on the go at the same time.’
‘Really! I’ve only ever seen him on the telly.’
‘Well, you are in for a treat.’
‘Now then Melisa.’ I said as we settled into our medicinal herbal tea. ‘Since we are sat here on my property - and it is truly in my name by the way, Charlie here preferring to remain of “no fixed abode” - I feel it beholden upon me, to give you a full and frank explanation as to how and why your father acquired the nickname, Barmy!
‘Oh, Tony!’ Interrupted Daphne.
‘No, no. The truth will out. Your father, as I’m sure you’ve worked out for yourself, is usually the smartest person in the room. This became apparent to all and sundry one day in Maths class, when he was just a few years younger than you are today. The teacher would speak aloud a calculation he wanted us boys to do, at the same time as chalking it on the blackboard. He would invariably say something like, “for full marks be sure to show your working-out”. Now, we would then write out the sum, stare at it for a while, then make an attempt with pencil and paper following the method we’d had drummed into us. Your father on the other hand would stare out of the window throughout. However, he always heard the question, and after a moment simply wrote down the correct answer, and after a further moment’s thought, would draw a circle around the number. Now this annoyed the teacher no end, when challenged, your father said he had no idea how he’d worked it out. The teacher always suspected some form of cheating, we on the other hand knew your father was just like that about all sorts of stuff. So, we just accepted it. One of us, I forget who, said something like, “oh he’s just barmy sir” and it stuck. The name is, what literary types would call a “term of endearment”. But of course, to use anyone’s nickname properly, you really must both like them, and be liked by them.’
‘How did he ever pass any exams?’ Asked Melisa.
‘He said he had to force himself to look up one of the proscribed methods beforehand and consciously remember it, he said exams were the most tedious hours of his whole school career.’
‘I can never understand why schooldays mean so much to the boys.’ Reflected Charlotte.
‘I’m afraid I can,’ replied Daphne, ‘it’s something about the quality and organisation of private education. Those who aren’t able to achieve the camaraderie get sent to Beaconsfield. I’m sorry, Tony mentioned it once.’
‘No problem.’
‘You’re very accepting and understanding about everything Charlotte, not sure I’d be so generous in your shoes.’
‘Well, I met one or two thrown-out of your dump too.’
‘Oh, touché.
‘We haven’t had the benefit have we Bel.’
‘No Mel.’
‘Well, children always rebel against their parent’s choices.’ Replied Daphne.
‘What’s projection Tony?’ Asked Melisa.
‘Oh, good god! Where do you pick up such things?’ Her mother interceded.
‘Well, it’s a psychological phenomenon, first mentioned by Sigmund Freud, but labelled by his daughter Anna, as the principal defence mechanism. Now let me see. You feel a certain emotion say, which you experience as uncomfortable or unacceptable so you play a kind of trick on yourself by ascribing it to others, it makes you feel better, by deciding it has come from somewhere else.’
‘Oh, I see.’
‘Couple of problems with it though. If you look hard enough, you’ll find every one does it to some degree. Secondly, because everyone does it, you realise it is really a social aspect of the species which kind of gets passed around, and not really the product of individuals at all. Worth ruminating about a bit though, can be a useful idea at times. But, projection is the mechanism or process, it has all sorts of varieties of expression, like rationalisation for example, which of course is exactly what I’ve just been doing.’
‘Well, its been awfully nice having a look around, still we should make a move before the rain returns. Barmy’s back next week, I’m sure he’d enjoy a poke about.’
‘Yes, before you go, just let me slip upstairs, there’s a book I’m sure Melisa would enjoy.’
‘So, what great tome of wisdom did you give Melisa?’
‘Just my pocket edition of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.’
‘I see. Odd child, is Daphne happy about you egging Melisa on?’
‘She will be. Mel is exceedingly bright. Bored and frustrated as a result. Much like her father was at her age. I have Barmy’s permission to interfere provided I can carry Daphne with me.’
‘And how do you propose to proceed?’
‘Well, if she takes to The Adventures, I’ll start her on Konnikova’s Mastermind - how to think like Sherlock Holmes.’
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