‘Were you asleep?’
‘Er, yes, what time is it?’
‘Have you been lying-in all the time I was away?’
‘Well...’
‘I’m coming over.’
I had enough time to get showered and dressed, but when I got downstairs, Charlie was already moving about the kitchen with disapproval. ‘This is never going to work. How long before Merriweather fixes the garage?’
‘It’s not a fix, the fact that it’s ours has already been established, it’s just a question of how brutal Bernard has to be removing the current occupant.’
‘There’s some kit of mine in the boot, bring it in whilst I tidy-up a bit. What is on today’s schedule anyway?’
‘I’m going to show you our new local shoppe, and you are going to buy a hard copy of The Beacon!’
‘Why?’
‘Souvenir issue. I thought you’d already know that?’
‘I’ve been preoccupied with your backsliding.’
As we were walking down the hill, Charlie asked; ‘How long is your arch enemy going to keep up with all these lockdowny restrictions?’
‘For people like us, about another forty-eight hours I should think.’
‘What?’
‘We, are about to become key workers. Furthermore, long delayed improvements to the Park are suddenly going to take-off again. And of course, in four months, everything will have more than paid for itself.’
‘I love you. God knows why, but I do. Sneaky bastard.’
With no details, the quality press did their best with; ‘Privileged elite to meet at exclusive country hideaway’. Whilst, The Beacon had; ‘PICTURE EXCLUSIVE Inside Buffy’s High Tech Country Conference SEE CENTRE PAGES’
‘How did they get any of this?’
‘Off Wooley’s device of course, he was there for almost a month at election time remember? Wait till you go to your app, there’s video.’
‘Oh my God, we’re all in these pics.’
‘Yes, but imagine you’d never been there. There’s no sign of the club’s actual activities, just what the headline says.’
‘So, the Lefties are all disapproval, but the biggest readership, of ordinary people, get the inside story.’
‘Bleed’in tragic innit!’
Charlotte gathered her composure and did a thorough inspection of the shelves of our new, local retail cooperative. As we were heading back up the hill she asked; ‘So just what is my role meant to be in all of this?’
‘Well, I understand you will be contacted soon. Didn’t you give your number to the head of Buffy’s security detail?’
‘Oh, right.’
‘The idea, which we’ve only very tentatively explored so far, is that you should be Buffy’s, Special Protection Officer whenever he is in the vicinity of the Park.’
‘But they just gave me odd bits of advice about crowd control psychology...’
‘Ah! No, this is more personal. What I think he wants is for you, using your exceptional waitress come Maître d’hôtel skills, is to place yourself between him and the guests.’
‘You’re joking!’
‘You understood that one all right.’
‘Too bloody right!’
‘An uppity French president, who’s clearly been pussy-whipped his entire life. An East German house-frau, who from the look of her has been enjoying sugary fancies under the table for decades - and a US president who between falling asleep at regular intervals, is determine to show his virility!’
A week or so later we found ourselves sitting in the car in the abandoned carpark at the Park, staring at the locked-up house. We’d each received our orders via text - me from some Cabinet Office official, she from her new ‘handler’ - to be there at eight-thirty sharp.
‘We’re twenty minutes early!’
‘Well, I am a little anxious I suppose.’
‘So, just what work on this place is going to magically get done?’
‘That rather depends on how many personnel we’re allowed. A couple of gardeners - with their high-tech machinery - gets the golf course finished. Finding three or four underemployed workers from the National Truss gets the inside tarted-up. Plus, four or five of the regular staff need to be allowed back in pretty soon. The big question mark, will be communications.’
‘How come?’
‘Only the ballroom and the two adjacent withdrawing rooms have fibre optics, connecting to the antennae and the dish on the roof. All the other Wi-Fi comes via the landline telephone network, I don’t even know how far we are from the end of the fibre optic roll-out.’
‘Surely if they want more than we’ve got, they’ll have to pull springs?’
‘Absolutely. But there is a certain amount of negotiation required over who pays and presumably the work would have to start soon.’
‘There’ll come a point won’t there when you’ll lose control of the conference, I mean the whole place.’
‘Yes, and I’m reliably informed that although the contract will have a date, these things creep up on you, more and more people you know nothing about start arriving and you gradually become side-lined. I suspect you will be the only one truly on the inside come the four days. The only other people you’ll really know will be confined to the kitchen and the office.’
‘If you’ve been reading Buffy right.’
‘Indeed. Hello! A flashing light, car and mobile, well I’ll be damned. Open your window.’
‘Chopper approaching, one o’clock, Merlin.’
‘Ah. Markings?’
‘Can’t tell, just looks greyish black.’
‘Close the window.’
‘These notifications indicate someone on my network in the vicinity. Someone on that chopper and defiantly not the two people we are here to meet, someone extra.’
‘The man himself.’
‘I hope not, I know for a fact he’s meant to be opening a factory in Pontefract!’
‘Who then?’
‘Not telling, I’m having a little bet with myself.’
‘But surely you could go to, whatever counts as an address book in that system of yours?’
‘Sure, but if I open it, he, I’m assuming it is a he, will know.’
‘Oh, yes?’
‘The lights flashed, because my kit picked-up his personal device on which he was searching to see if we were here. There’s always a way of knowing.’
‘Did he know, you’d know, if he located you?
‘I don’t know.’
We saw the group of suits for just a few seconds as they came along the path from the helipad. ‘I’m none the wiser.’
‘I am,’ said Charlie. I turned my head.
‘Ha! He’s pretending to be nonchalant; he’d have had to run to get here in that time.’
‘The black mask is a bit scary.’
Our visitor opened the driver’s side door. ‘Charlie! Wonderful to see you again, like old times ya?’
As she jumped out, she said; ‘He knew it was you, didn’t tell me though, lights flashing everywhere.’
‘Thanks a bunch Charlie. Discretion is more important than ever if we’re to pull this one off.’ I replied.
‘Don’t listen to the man, you’re a star, all the Navy flyers love you.’
‘What?’
‘This place, always on the fight path for them and the RAF, what with the camp on the top of the Moor, Marine training only a few miles away, everyone using the coast to navigate. Last eighteen months, they’ve all seen the transformation in the grounds...’
‘Barmy, what the hell are you doing here?’ I interrupted.
‘Navy in charge of the whole thing, controlling the air space, we’re offshore right now, those guys were inspecting the airport an hour ago, we provide the transport.’
‘You know what I meant.’
‘I’m their link man, I know the inside here, besides I’m the only person on the flagship who can get into the club portal.’
‘So, who came with the chopper?’
‘Your Cabinet Office guy, Charlie’s protection guy, the other three are spooks of some description.’
‘That’s all we need!’
‘But best bit is, according to your guy, Buffy and Carrie are the only ones in Downing St. who can access the portal, so you know, they go around showing it off to the select - good work, Heptonstall right?’
Then the house alarm system went off.
‘Oh my God!’ said Charlie.
‘Can’t even force a window.’ I said, as an aside to Barmy.
‘Shouldn’t we do something?’ She exclaimed.
‘Hang-on a second, I’ll check whose sleep-in caretaker this week. Ha! Charlie, tell your “asset” to let the burglars in.’
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