‘A jolly decent chap.’
‘Who?’
‘The assistant coroner I’ve just been speaking to. When I asked him specific questions, he gave straight answers, and when I didn’t ask, he stuck to giving me the minimum necessary details.’
‘So, who else have you managed to talk to?’
‘Births, deaths, and marriages, auntie’s vicarage and the only funeral director I know.’
‘And the answer is?’
‘Still not sure, a few more complications. Yes, auntie always did want to be buried alongside my uncle Thomas but that’s not going to happen, the funeral director suggested scattering her ashes at his graveside. I’m to email details ahead of time to the registry office to minimise contact when actually there. Right, time to check-out the Villa and see if I can confirm my memory of some of those details. I have the spare keys, I’ll drive.’
‘I’m afraid I’m going to immediately disrespect her memory by parking out the front because we have no choice but to use the front door!’
‘Do you know where to look for stuff?’
‘Well, I know where she did her letters, I’m hoping everything will be at arm’s reach. She didn’t drive and in recent years didn’t travel - an original copy of the birth certificate is of course what they’d be delighted to see. I would too, come to that, given their system is designed around them, connecting automatically to her marriage certificate and the whole family tree - that’s according to what I’ve read about research in Uncle’s account of his family. Compatible with census data and the War Graves Commission...’
‘Enough. Come on, time to move.’
‘Take a walk around, I’m sure there are bits of the house you haven’t seen yet.’
‘Okay.’
I settled myself down at the Aunt’s fold-down desk, part of a larger cabinet in her living room. Thankfully it wasn’t that old, otherwise I’d have been looking for hidden cachets! Presumably it was close, but not obvious.
‘Oh, really, this is too easy’, I spoke aloud a few moments later, as my hand came to rest on an envelope taped to the bottom of the shelf, accessed via the upper most draw below. ‘And, one green marriage certificate too, both in a traditional legal envelope. Bravo.’
I was awoken from a bit of a trance by a sudden exclamation from the floor above. ‘Oh my God. Tony!’ I moved as swiftly as I could. When I saw what had caused such alarm, I had to laugh.
‘It’s not funny, it’s spooky!’
‘You need the landing light on to fully appreciate it. There you go.’
‘Well, that’s better, just. Who painted it?’
‘Quite a distinguished RA I was always told.’
‘I’d have refused to pay the bill!’
‘All in the eye of the beholder, she and Uncle Thomas loved it, been there as long as I can remember, shown off to all comers.’
‘How old was she?’
‘Twenty-five-ish, I think.’
‘She didn’t change much did she!’
‘As a child I thought the eyes followed me around the room.’
A few days later we headed into the countryside. As we entered Checkley, as usual by the back door, laden with our modest baggage, we were expecting to see only the empty cavernous hallway with the familiar stone tiles. Instead, we were met by the sight of a voluminous pile of delivery boxes and our hosts standing rather formally to greet us. Julia took a step forward; ‘Tony, my darling, what can I say.’ We hugged awhile. ‘Damn it, she’s left me to cope with you alone. What am I to do with him Charlie?’
‘Fear not, madam. I’ll see there’s no backsliding.’
‘Ha! What did I tell you my dear? “Charlotte will see us right”. Now then young man, what is the meaning of all this?’ So said Uncle pointing at the accumulated deliveries.
‘My gift to you, giving you hands-on control of the Park, and your family history activities. Whilst Julia, can spend as much time on The Countrywoman as she likes.’
‘And you think you can set it all up for us, demonstrate it to us without causing mass disruption and headaches all round.’
‘I know I can.’
‘Is he shooting his mouth off again Charlotte?’
‘He’s put my treatment room online, plus got the new Park development website up and running already, and he’s negotiating with the club staff and committee members for a portal within the same site. He’s making offers people can’t resist all over the place.’
‘But can we trust him?’
‘Well, he’s been teaching me from the off, that it’s better to assume you can’t trust anyone.’
‘Okay, okay. Now, may I have permission to raid your cellar, for the benefit of all of us?’
‘Of course, Tony,’ said Julia, ‘I’ll come with you, you’ll need help carrying what we need!’
‘So, what do you make of all this modelling?’
‘Oh, I’m inclined to stick with real history. The last time, almost exactly a century ago, conflict in Europe was followed by a pandemic followed by the roaring twenties and prosperity all round.'
‘You’ve always behaved as if you were living the jazz age all over again!’
‘Oh, thank you very much - one tries to maintain a certain style, certain standards.’
‘Do you think our Prime Minister is thinking of the history books?’
‘Buffy, let me tell you, has always wanted to be a legend in his own lunchtime, but yes, he has an eye to history too.’
‘Is he the balls-up, or is it his officials?’
‘Oh, I think he must have realised he’d been stitched-up in the first five minutes.’
‘Really?’
‘Big data, being what it is, the voting patterns from the Brexit vote and the general election, plus records of trade union membership and affiliation mean, it’s a statistical certainty that almost everyone Buffy has to rely on is an opposition-voting remoaner! Plus, the added nightmare of the medical profession - doctors who didn’t become surgeons, or GP’s, or even psychiatrists, but went in for health education, preventive health. And ably assisted by university epidemiologists. Four out five university lecturers and researchers in the social sciences, health sciences, arts and literature - not to mention the educationalists themselves - are openly, of the Left. And it makes no difference even if these people think they are being strict with themselves about traditional civil service ethics of impartiality. Think about it, every single official has from day one of their working lives been working with EU directives handed down from above. And yet, we know that over the last ten years voters have been slowly but surely been moving to the Right. The entire elite is being anti-democratic, simply by carrying on doing what they normally do. Buffy, and his band of brothers, his happy few, probably don’t even have the relevant facts placed before them with which to balls it up!’
‘And this is the man Tony calls his arch enemy! Since school, apparently. More wine anyone?’
A while later. ‘If I might just call this meeting to order.’ Said Julia. ‘Just what precisely is in those boxes in the hall?’
‘Right then. You know how you originally had your “his and hers” desks set-up facing each other in the library...’
‘They still are.’
‘Quite. But back in the day, you sat opposite each other doing your letters and general administrating etc. All the while staring lovingly into each other’s, what’s its...’
‘What a soppy couple you make us sound.’
‘Well, you each now have matching, large 16:9 ratio monitors, but supported just a few centimetres off the desk top, so you should still be able to make eye contact over the top. Now the point is, they are naturally suited to having two adjoining, full-sized pages of a magazine or an A4 sized report, or book even - open at the same time. Editing, Cattle Rustlers and Courtiers perhaps, checking proofs of next month’s edition of The Countrywoman on the same system as the printers will be using. Am I making sense?’
‘Go on.’
‘In addition, you can log-in to the new websites of your respective organisations, participate as members of the club. Zoom Charlotte and I - or anybody else, in full Technicolor as you say. Add items to the agenda of the next meeting of the whatever. Plus, everything you normally do online. I should just say, I’ve tried to anticipate, so put-up various personal descriptors of you, profile pictures etc. But of course, all of that you can change, as owners there is no level of the sites you cannot access, assess and upon which - assert your wishes. Comprehend?’
‘Yes. I think so.’
‘Finally, complementary “his and hers” tablets and mobiles which I’ll fully synchronise to the PCs, but leave in their boxes. It’s only the PCs you’ll have to use.’
‘Must have cost you a pretty penny?’
‘Ah! Yes. You won’t be bothered by having to pay for any systems, subscriptions, accidental damage, cock-ups - on account of the fact, that the whole lot, is, strictly speaking, the property of the Trust.’
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