8: Charlie takes a walk in the park

‘I’ll be away until early evening I suspect, these meetings tend to drag a bit.’

‘What meetings? Why? You haven’t explained anything.’

‘Well, I’m not sure I can explain, not without you getting the wrong end of the stick. Anything I say about the Park always leads to a sharp intake of disapproval.’

‘You could just try telling me the whole story, from the beginning!’

‘Actually it was my Uncle who laid the foundation stone, about ten years ago…’

This drew a slight shaking of the head and averting of the gaze from Charlie. ‘In other words, you’re in it up to your neck. I should have known.’

‘Well, not yet awhile. At the moment I’m just a fully paid up member who takes an interest. Anyway there’s no actual financial link between me and my Uncle, the money only comes from the paternal side.’

‘Until you muscle in on him, with your secret purchase.’

‘Well I’m hoping it will become a sort of alliance, if I can persuade him of the virtues. Anyway, I was rather hoping you might want to get involved at the Park, it needs to jump a generation, you could help make sure it doesn’t become some kind of retirement community, gets a proper mix of ages and backgrounds. You should at least take a look, if only to see what is actually there, help scotch a few rumours. I should get you on the spa committee, now that would shake them up.’

‘How?’

‘Well, they offer all sorts of alternative treatments, I’m sure you could spot the charlatans from the ones that really have got something going for them.’

‘Okay, I’ll come along, provided I can wander around freely whilst you’re conspiring with your pals.’

It was the week following our return from Antibes. Charlie took command of the car as usual. ‘So what actually happens there? The place is surrounded by woods, all anyone can see from the car park is a converted country house with newer stuff stuck on the end.’

‘But tastefully done you must admit. In addition there are twenty bungalows so far, the golf course and a very small lake.’

‘And the house contains?’

‘Offices, bar, restaurant, a small spa and gym with showers and bathrooms, plus half a dozen hotel style bedrooms.’

As we entered the clubhouse our progress was impeded by a few of the chaps attempting to manhandle a largish pod like object tottering atop some sort of hydraulic arrangement. ‘What have you got there, Cat?’

‘It’s the latest portable flight simulator, software for propeller driven aircraft only of course. We thought it would be ideal for the Games Room.’

‘You’d better put something on paper about it for the committee, something about a “free trial” and don’t mention a “games room”. Sparkwell, let me introduce you to Cat Mackintosh, Cat, this is Sparkwell.’

‘Been hearing a lot about you, keeping Tony out of trouble and all that. I’m sure we’ll all be calling for your assistance in time.’

‘Pleasure to meet you.’ she replied, then turning to me; ‘You didn’t brief me about a games room?’

‘That’s because there isn’t one, officially, just the old hall, accessed from the back - which is really the old front. I suppose it didn’t occur to you lot that it would’ve been simpler to take this object around the back in first place?’

‘Too many onlookers old man.’

‘You know some of the stiffer element are lobbying for a full size billiard table, which would mean no room for anything else?’

‘Quite, which is why we want to sneak this in quick. What with the pool table and the darts area already established, and the final acquisitions arriving next week, we’ll be all set.’

‘What final acquisitions? You know you really should warn us about this kind of stuff then we could head off the opposition at the pass, before there’s any kind of row.’

‘Ask Tuffy, he’s handling arrangements.’

After signing Charlie in, I set off for my meeting sharpish, leaving her to loiter with intent. Ostensibly I was there to Chair the dining committee, but given that several members sat on more than one committee, it was impossible to prevent some drift from the agenda. When someone started lobbying for the billiard table I was able to parry with anxiety about the floor; was it not tile rather than stone, and original, therefore needing to be considered with regard to the building’s listed status? That will buy the lads some time I thought to myself.

Several hours later I went in search of my co-dependant. I found her by the pond. I was expecting to be thoroughly trounced, instead she was quietly reflective. She said she’d only had time for the briefest look at the estate. ‘I was cornered by some of your pals, they were very attentive and gave me a Tea, they were quite - forthcoming.’

‘Oh, yes.’

‘I think I’m fully up to speed now on your background and sundry activities. You’re going to have to make sure I see everything you see on social media though - they knew all about Antibes. Anyway, what I didn’t expect was how similar everyone is, it is a real club, isn’t it? There is more of a mix of ages and genders than I’d expected, but I mean, everyone sort of behaves in the same way regardless.’

‘We have our code. Not so long ago one would have called it class, but some members have the strangest backgrounds, and a few staff members are better educated and well to do than the rougher element, or Thatcherite Tendency as I like to call them.’

‘How does someone called Alistair Mackintosh come to be called Cat?’

‘Nocturnal habits at school.’

‘Oh yes?’

‘Able to navigate in the dark, pass through locked doors, return within minutes with something pinched from another House, that sort of thing.’

‘By the way, the thing about the Games Room is that the boys have to be able to leave a circle three metres in radius taped out on the floor, free from the other activities.’

‘Why on earth?’

‘Well, it’s something to do with running the right games on the latest VR headsets, sword fights and duelling with pistols I think.’

‘Good lord, and its Spitfires and Messerschmitt’s in the flight simulator no doubt. You know one day we’ll walk in and find ourselves being served by a robot bar-steward.’

‘What’s on this evening’s menu? I don’t feel like cooking.’

Later, driving home, Charlie announced; ‘I’ve come to a decision, it’s time for me to start training you up as a masseur, not sure how to do it though, lying on my back.’